Dating in Your 30s in Tanzania: Love, Pressure & Finding the Right Person (Bila Stress)

Dating in your 30s hits different. Na ukiwa Tanzania? It comes with even more layers like family expectations, career pressure, and your own personal growth journey. At this stage, hauko tena kwenye mchezo wa kubahatisha. You’re not dating just for vibes, you’re dating with intention. You know what you want. Lakini swali ni… how do you actually find it?

Let’s be honest. Once you hit 30 in Tanzania, the conversation changes. It’s no longer “who are you dating?” it becomes“Harusi lini?”

Family, friends, even neighbors who've known you since childhood feel entitled to timelines.
Na sometimes, this pressure inaweza kukupeleka kwenye relationship ambayo sio sahihi, just to meet expectations.

Dating in your 30s is not a joke. The pool is poooooling LOL. You’ll meet people who are divorced, single parents, career-driven (a.k.a very busy), healing from past relationships, au the typical "I want you to be my mistress." Life is lifeing at this point, lakini pia inahitaji maturity, patience, and understanding of yourself and the other person.

Between kazi, biashara, family responsibilities… time is not on your side. You don’t have energy for mixed signals, situationships or the endless talking stages. Unataka clarity mapema. And that doesn't make you the villain unless the other person is in it to play games.

By your 30s, you’ve experienced life. Umeumizwa, umejifunza, umekua. But here’s the challenge, how do you stay open to love bila kuogopa kuumizwa tena? Not everyone has done the inner work and that’s where dating becomes tricky. And even those who have done the work, pray they don't become SELFISH in the name of SELFLOVE. Not all therapists will guide you from a point of self awareness with love, compassion and grace for the other person. Wengine wanakufanya uwe na roho ngumu kama ya Farao, LOL. 

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One of the big challenges I see kwenye mahusiano ni what do you need to know from the other person ili uweze kujua kama mnaendana. Au ndio akishakuwa tall, dark and handsome basi ndio kazi kwisha, you have found your soulmate?  Jokes aside, watu wengi bado hawajui kuuliza maswali sahihi, hawajui kueleza wanachotaka na hawako clear kuhusu intentions zao. Au wanaogopa kusema their intentions coz they just need a 'time filler', yaani, they will say all the right things to win you over so they can have someone to sleep next to while they wait to fall in love with the love of their lives who may or may not come in the near future. And that’s why people end up wasting time kwenye connections ambazo hazina direction.

May 2026 be the year we date with intention, clarity, safety, and real conversations. At this point, nime join a dating app. Tuone tunakutana na nani huko. I am no longer letting chance do the work, I am taking the advice ya 'put yourself out there' at least kupitia online dating maana kutoka out usiku sio my strongest move. I prefer staying in and watching movies. 

And I always say, nothing goes to waste. Hata yale uliyopitia that really hurt you, they taught you something that has come in handy later in life. So if I don't get my personal-person from this dating platform, then at least I will have gained a friend or two. And trust me, friendships are the real goal.  

So, my fellow 30 plus ladies and gents. Allow yourself to love and be loved. Huu ni mwaka wa kuonyesha upendo, however it comes. 

XOXO

Mamatembo

What Doesn’t Kill You Makes You Stronger

This is exactly what you think it is, another cliche of a title. But wait, there is a catch. You see, sometimes what doesn’t kill you makes you wiser. December was one of those holiday seasons when I got to have a very slow two weeks. I struggled when my life slowed down. It felt odd being so busy, then all of a sudden everything slowed down. 

 To slow down, I worked on my arts and crafts. I made handmade earrings, bracelets, and I made a box from scratch. It was a good me-time that I needed.

Come January, I had a work trip that I needed very much. Traveling to different parts of Tanzania before delving into the busy bee work life. 

It took me falling ill for me to slow down again. My body knew I needed the break, but I cared about my work more. My body chose to say no. I felt like my body was defeating me, but little did I know, my body was telling me to slow down. 

So eventually, I listened. I worked from home, I allowed myself to have afternoon naps. I allowed my cousin to take care of me. I agreed to drink soups and whatever healthy meal I was advised to so that I can feel better. This is when I realized, even though I hated staying home, taking naps in the afternoon, or even eating healthy. I need all that for the next chapter of my life.

My body told me to slow down, because I kept pushing. My body was telling me it’s okay to slow things down, overworking doesn’t mean more happiness, more money or more joy. I am glad I listened to my body and I am now stronger because of it.

Lessons We Learn Along The Way

I recently attended my first live boxing competition. Growing up, I was always captivated by Mike Tyson’s matches and the adrenaline they brought. Watching this match as an adult, however, gave me some deeper reflections on life:

1. Fight for Your Destiny It might sound like a religious cliché, but I was reminded of Matthew 11:12, “The kingdom of heaven suffers violence, and the violent take it by force.” That boxing match was a vivid illustration of this. Life requires us to fight for what we want—nothing comes easy. In two bouts, one featuring male boxers and another with female competitors, the outcome was the same: the fighter on the offensive ultimately won. Neither bout ended with a knockout, but after all nine rounds, the boxer throwing the most punches earned the victory. Life rewards those who take action, not those who merely defend.

2. Never Lose Focus Although we are promised victory in life—because God says we are more than conquerors—we must remain focused. Throughout the match, spectators yelled advice and opinions, but the boxers never lost sight of their opponent. They were locked in on the prize. Similarly, in life, distractions are everywhere. If we lose focus, even when we're ahead, we risk letting setbacks, delays, and stagnation creep in. Just as in boxing, when we lose concentration, our adversary gets an opening to strike. We can’t move forward if we’re stuck dealing with the same obstacles over and over.

3. Confidence is Key One bout featured an older fighter going up against a newcomer. It was the shortest and most surprising match—over in less than five minutes. The older man kept falling out of fear, essentially giving up without being hit. On the other hand, the newcomer, brimming with confidence, dominated. This shows how crucial confidence is in life. Sometimes, it’s not about what you know or even experience—it’s about believing in yourself. When we exude confidence, fear dissipates, and our opponents, or challenges, have no choice but to back down.

I hope these lessons from my time at the match with my best friend resonate with you too.

Xoxo,

Mamatembo Safari

PEPFAR @20 Documentary

I am excited to share a documentary that I produced for PEPFAR's 20th anniversary in Tanzania, under Alchemist Media and the guidance of Tanzania's very own Filmmaker Seko Shamte (check out her film BINTI on Netflix).

It's all about perspectives

I recently had the opportunity to teach a class on Tanzanian food and culture, and as usual, I didn't disappoint. I taught them how to make chips mayai (how genius of me)!!! They enjoyed the food, but I was also able to give them a little lesson about Tanzania, the culture, economy, education, beliefs and Tanzania real estate. 

Part of our discussion was about the land we have, farming or keeping a garden, poultry farms, and people owning their own lands and houses. I had to explain how even though you may find that people live in the villages or maybe make as little as $1 a day in actual wages, that does not translate into overall poverty on that person's part. We still have nuclear families which means we've got each others backs and which helps prevent having more people in the streets. 

Being here made me realize the difference between being poor and broke. And I say that because, most of us, we had parents or grandparents that owned their own lands/houses, whether in the towns they lived in or else where. We may have stayed in a house for rent, and gone broke throughout our growing up years (meaning money was over before the month ended) but it did not translate into poverty. Because our parents knew the importance of owning land/houses and that being an asset, it always added value to their lives. I remember when my folks had put their house for sale to cover other major expenses. It  only meant they had the option to sell the house rather than get a loan from a bank. I feel as though there are  multiple options in Tanzania when it comes to owning a house. One can build a house for as many years as he is able to finance from his income or can opt to get a loan and build one quicker. 

The best part, at least for me, is knowing there are places where one can rent a room for 20k Tzs a month even in major cities like Dar, Arusha, Mwanza. I am not saying Tzs 20k is not hard to get, but I feel  that it allows those who are working hard to make a living for themselves and for their families to be able to  have a roof over their heads as compared to being completely homeless. 

But again this was my perspective, others may have different opinions and views about things and life in Tanzania, I can only speak based on my own experiences and of those I came in contact with. 

One of the things I will miss

One of the many things I am going to miss about Dar are the affordable hair saloons/beauty parlors. As a woman, one area that will never fall short of clients is the beauty industry. When I had to get my hair cut in April back in Jax, I had to search for hair Saloons or barbershops near me and not many showed on google maps that were within my vicinity. My sister took me to one of the saloons she goes to, unfortunately the lady was fully booked so she gave me an appointment for 3 days later. I was not happy at the fact that I could not get service as soon as I got there. A friend then took me to a different saloon and I had to wait for three other clients to get done before I could get the service. That wasn’t so bad. 

Then I kept wining about how easy it is to get serviced in Dar because hair saloons are plenty, and for all budgets. I could walk into a saloon and get serviced within 5 minutes of walking in. The fact that there are so many hair saloons for women all over the place, you never lack quick and affordable service. Don’t get me wrong though, not all beauty saloons are easily available. Some that are very well known for servicing brides and high end customer or serve other wedding solutions can be booked months in advance. 

And to add sugar to an already sweet snack, is the fact that beauty products are easily available and for different prices, from cheap to expensive depending on where you are shopping. You have the high end shops and the low end street shops and both sell quality and reliable products, with some exceptions of the the street shops that do sometimes import and sell the not so reliable products, hence customers must be aware of the transactions their undertaking. 

I will miss this life if I must be honest. I could care less for the fancy expensive products and beauty parlors. The fact that I can walk into a place and get sorted on the spot and affordably is key for me. The fact that I get annoyed to wear wigs and I prefer having crochet hair instead, I want to be able to get that done frequently and affordable. Unfortunately, not being able to get that unless I schedule an appointment days in advance and for a price that I don’t really want to pay, it has forced me to learn some serious hair braiding and crocheting skills thanks to YouTube. And I must confess, I get very jealous when I check out Instagram feed and see TZ girls looking fab in their good looking hair styles and I am like DANG IT, why can’t I get that here too??! 

What apps are you giving access to your personal data?

Hey'all,

A friend told me a story that got me somewhat angry with myself for using a smartphone, it's not something new, but I just dislike the lack of privacy with these gadgets nowadays. So, she’s been getting personal loan through mobile apps, and she had been very faithful in paying the loans as well. Then all of a sudden, out of the blue, she applied for a loan and she was denied one due to lacking credentials to be given a loan. Upon inquiry from a different company, she was informed that giving access to some of the apps also means they get to see your loan trends and how you spend your money and can even access your text message. I don’t know how true this actually is, but it creeped me out, then I realized I have been giving access to so many other apps and to make things worse, I give them access to my pictures and other media as well. I am so not happy about that. 

On another note, as we continued chatting, she said a good number of Tanzanians apply for personal and business loan via apps and mobile money. For a greater part, it has been a good idea that these loan opportunities exist for simplicity of life and it reaches more customers compared to physically visiting microfinance institutions. But I wonder though, how do they get their money back? Especially since they don’t request for loan security. Do they know how to track these people down? How successful are these businesses? I would hope they are able to recover their funds as easily as they make their loans accessible to people. 

Exploring Zimbabwe - Cars

As I continued to explore Zimbwawe, I got a chance to speak with a few people about the country, and guess what I discovered? So Zim being a landlocked country, meaning they do not have a sea or port, they get to import their cars through Tanzania or South African ports. For a landlocked country though, they do have a lot of cars for sale. I have seen a good number of showrooms in Harare as we commuted towards the city center.

Most of the cars that I have seen around here are Toyotas, Hondas and Nissans. Unlike Tanzania, we seem to lean towards Toyotas more than other brands. But lately, I have been seen a few more Mazdas around. It's interesting how Toyotas are heavily available in Tanzania you would think we manufacture those babies. I too am guilty of making Toyotas prominent in TZ because I own one. 

Talking about Honda cars in Zim, they predominantly use Honda Fit as a shared taxi, and boooy are they tiny when 6 to 8 people get in them. I got to experience that first hand. For some reason though, people just don't mind squeezing in for a ride. 

I used to tell my sister how affordable Toyotas are in TZ compared to the US, when she came back, she understood what I meant. She saw every Toyota you could possibly see on this planet in a matter of a week. My African dream safari.

A helping hand to the non profits in Tanzania

Image obtained from Google

I met a lady and her family through church, and as we were talking, she told me how she sends clothes, shoes, and other items back in Kenya and asks a relative to donate the items to churches in the village she comes from. I listened to her a little bit more as I was looking to find out how she sends those items back home. Unfortunately, it only happens when someone is going back to Kenya and is willing to take an extra bag with them. 

I would never advice anyone to go with an extra bag for anyone else especially if they don't know what has been put in the bag. There is the issue of drug trafficking and that's one of the reasons I don't take extra bags for people unless they buy a new bag and everything else new and have those items sent to my address by a courier. 

A lot of people here give to Goodwill and other non profit organizations, it's an easy way to get rid of the excess stuff in the house, as well as to get a tax refund. But I know a lot of Tanzanians who wish they could send items back home to help the genuine non profit organizations like orphanages  and others that help women and children, but the challenge lies in how they can  go about it without 1st worrying about how much they will pay for the items to be sent home, and secondly, will they be charged tax on the items they want give for donation? 

I am just thinking out loud here, would it not be beneficial to have a Tanzania logistics company work out a way to transport for a small fee from each person that gives their items for donations. I am guessing if each person pays about  $50 - $100 and everyone from across the United States gets to donate, the company will make a good chunk of money to cover transportation costs, then they could work out an agreement with the government and customs agents and clearing agents to make sure the items get in the country tax free, but also give a report on the places where the donations have been made to avoid tax evasion. 

I know many people are thinking about this, we just wish something could actually be done. I don't know much about oversees transportation business, but I believe something can be done, 'where there is a will, there is a way'.  

Proud of the President for doing this

Buying a Car in Bongo vs USA

Hey y'all, 

So, my car was in an accident in December last year, and it was totaled. I was in a mixed state of emotion when I got the news, was the driver okay and how bad is it? Thank goodness the driver's injuries were not so bad, a broken wrist, bruises and a load of pain. For me though, the craziness started when I had to look for a replacement car, it was such a painful experience and I almost cried a few times. I know, I can be dramatic sometimes, but I have every right to feel frustrated and sad because I am so used to the way things work when looking for a cars for sale in Tanzania, life is less hectic when you know how to go about things and in TZ things are straightforward as far as I can tell and have experienced. 

For instance, buying my first car was easy-peasy, even though I bought it from someone and not from a dealership, I was able to grab a mechanic from his office, go with him to the seller for a test drive and do a mechanic evaluation on the car before I bought it. I tried to go the same route here and it sucked big time. First of all, mechanics are super busy on daily basis, and even when I decided to go to a physical nearby mechanic shop - I was never serviced because I didn't have an appointment, LIKE REALLY? How can I schedule an appointment in advance? How am I am to know if I will go look for a car on a particular day and like it and want to take it to a mechanic?  And I know this is an issue because I am trying to buy a car from a person and not a dealership as I believe it's better that way (especially if you don't want to get into the monthly payment business from big dealerships - I blame that on me being broke by the way). 

But even when I went to cash only dealerships, they had a 90 days warranty, they would not return my cash if anything goes wrong with the car, but they would fix whatever problem that rises up, but they would not give me a different car.

I remember buying my second car from Japanese car dealers and all I had to do was go to the bank, make the transfer and pick up my car at the dealership. The sales man guaranteed me the car was great and if anything went wrong in 3 months, they would fix the car but if the problem is sever they would give me a different car, or give me back my cash (which never happens anyway coz they have plenty of cars to exchange with), but how cool is that? You can even get a car imported from Japan through Japanese car importers.

And another challenge is, Japanese cars  are super expensive here. I mean, they do deserve to be expensive because they are durable and all, but maaaan, you could pay $5000 for a 2008 Honda civic with 200,000 miles and pay $2800 on a Volkswagen 2008 with 130,000 miles. It's an interesting challenge buying a car here I tell ya.

I gave up on the whole process and decided to wait for a miracle, like literally, I am waiting on a car miracle because I don't want to pay for a car that will die on me just because I didn't have a mechanic look at it, or end up spending $$$ every month to fix a car. Then I might as well go to Carmax and buy a good car and do a monthly payment and get over with it. But such is life, we live and we learn.

Meat or Vegetables?

Hey y'all, 

How realistic is it for someone to be a vegan or vegetarian in Bongo? Not for a second have I given a thought to the idea of being vegan or vegetarian, and  I only ask because we are surrounded by butchers on every corner of the city. Not only that, those who have their own homes (not living in apartments) have poultry farms for their daily needs and a side source of income. The availability and affordability of meat in Tanzania is perhaps the reason for promoting a market for professional kitchen equipment and butchery equipment. I would not trade the meat eating luxury for anything, regardless of the health related problems that may come with it. And I say so because as humans, we are capable of self control, and too much of anything is harmful. I haven't had beef in a while and when I think of how easily available and affordable beef it is in Bongo, I feel like there is something missing. This experience of not having the luxury to eat beef on daily or weekly basis will make me appreciate life in Bongo when I return. I mean, who doesn't want beef choma and mbuzi choma on weekends? Life can't get any better than that. 

My accent is a conversation starter

Hey y’all, 

I have been meeting a lot of new people and when they hear my accent, they ask where I am from. 

When I tell them that I hail from Tanzania they say WOW like I come from Wakanda or something (jokes...Tanzania is way better). And a bunch of questions come flooding in, the usual ones by the way - how is the weather down there, have you been on a safari, what language do you all speak, when is the best time to visit, so on and so forth. My answers are usually the same; if you get to visit Tanzania you must visit Kilimanjaro, where the highest mountain in Africa is located. We speak Swahili - you know the movie Lion King? Well, Hakuna Matata is a Swahili word (and the WOOOW gets additional OOs in between). 

Swimming with dolphins in Zanzibar, eating chips mayai and octopus from street vendors (yummy). Visiting Ngorongoro crater, snapping crocodiles in Bagamoyo. I mean, it never gets tiring to talk about home because I am proud of what we have; the food, the wildlife, the gems, the social life and the incredible Dar es Salaam heat! (I joke about the heat, I don’t like it). The challenges though, is when I get asked certain safaris questions that I don’t know much about, (it happens). 

I sometimes inquire from Google, but I also get to tell them about my friend who owns a touring company and let them do the rest. However, questions regarding flying safaris, chartered flights, that’s something I don’t have experience with, but the good thing is, they do exist and Yellow pages Tanzania, Google and directory.co.tz will do a good job of directing you to the right people and places. 

When you visit Tanzania, do yourself a favor...eat food from street vendors. I mean, It doesn't matter if you are a billionaire, what's the point of being in Tanzania and not experience the wild side of life?

To those with a travel bug like myself, the beautiful thing about being an adult is to actually look forward to go on a vacation that you can actually afford...and 'Tanzania' is one vacation you will ALWAYS be able to afford, trust me.

Home is where the heart is

Hey y'all,

One thing that I miss being away from home is the girls get together days and girls getaways. For the most part, life in Tanzania is very calm and relaxed and offers a lot of opportunities for random get together/getaways. However, with the usual life challenges, eg, health, family needs, education, work load, etc, the word RANDOM may be too far fetched. But for the most part you can easily plan a small get together with your girls and make it work. I miss that!! Sob Sob.

Kiki, Irene, Moi

Memory lane to our Tanzania Holidays, my sister and I made plans to be back in Tanzania during summer in 2010 and we made the most out of it (to the best of my memory). In Dar es Salaam, Mbezi with my ladies (photo credit - Nunu).

En route to visit Zanzibar  destination honeymoon part 2. (Photo credit - Jose aka Kaka)

Someone suggested we should visit Ngorongoro as part 1 of the honeymoon package. It was a fun safari until my phone got stolen on our way back home. What I liked about Ngorongoro is that we were able to make a day trip. That saved us a lot of cash, compared to having to stay in a hotel. Arusha will forever remain my favorite city in Tanzania followed by Dar es Salaam.

 BTW I took these pictures in Ngorongoro, the one with the Zebras is canvas ready yo!

Why giving away our wealth has been the most satisfying thing we've done...

Meet N Mingle August 18th

See you next Saturday at the @wateringhole_patio for our funfilled speed networking event. To book your spot in advance or get more info about the event call 0752487449 or 0655368988. Cover charge - 5,000! Save the date and don't miss the fun.

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Meet n Mingle February 17th 2018

Guess what, Meet n Mingle is back!! 2018 February 17th  - Save the date.

Meet n' Mingle is a social networking event done in a speed dating format. WHY speed dating you would ask, well, how many social events have you gone to with hopes of meeting someone new and you would eventually leave the event without making new connections? Speed dating for social networking purposes is the best way to have an eventful night, purposes such as making new friends, finding potential business clients, promoting your business or ideas, finding love, or just having a night out. Men and Women ages 20 years old to 50 years old are invited to this fun filled event. You can reserve your seat now by paying 5,000 Tanzanian shillings to M-pesa 0752 487 449 or Tigo Pesa 0655 368 988. 

See you there!!

Diamond Platnumz ft Morgan Heritage - Hallelujah (Official Video)