Thursday, July 28, 2016

Je wewe ni "Narcissist" jitambue mapema



Sijajua kama kwa hapa Tanzania wanasaikolojia wameongelea hii hali moja wapo ya matatizo ya nafsi - personality disorder inayoitwa Narcissism. Na kama haijaongelewa naomba wataalam wazipitie articles za wataalam wengine nchi za nje na watusaidie kuzitafsiri ili watanzania wengi tuweze kujua kama tuna hili tatizo ili tujue jinsi ya kujikomboa.

Maana zamani kabla PCOS, Endometriosis, low sperm count etc etc, havijaongelewa watu walikuwa busy kusema mtu kalogwa ndio maana mgumba kumbe ishu imekaa kisayansi zaidi. Narcissism ni tatizo kubwa sana na watu wengi wanadalili za hili tatizo ila ndio kwasababu hatulijui tunaishia kusema mtu huyu hivi mtu huyu vile.

Soma hizo tabia hapo chini uone kama una baadhi ya hizo tabia.

The tell tale signs to help you recognize a covert narcissist:

Source:unknown

1. Emptiness, seems to have something missing that you can’t quite put your finger on
2. Stubborn, rarely apologizing unless they want something from you (see narcissistic supply)
3. Ability to make you feel guilty, even when something is not your fault
4. Entirely self centered; they are the center of their own universe
5. Expert liars; charming, hypnotic, a master of manipulation
6. Projecting their insecurities and defects onto you
7. Very sensitive to constructive criticism
8. Inability to form intimate relationships
9. Inability to feel genuine remorse
10. Blaming others for their problems
11. Low emotional intelligence
12. Highly materialistic
13. Extreme lack of empathy
14. Superficially charming
15. A victim mentality

Narcissistic parent

Source : Wikipedia

A narcissistic parent is a parent affected by narcissism or narcissistic personality disorder. Typically narcissistic parents are exclusively and possessively close to their children and may be especially envious of, and threatened by, their child's growing independence.The result may be what has been termed a pattern of narcissistic attachment, with the child considered to exist solely to fulfill the parent's wishes and needs. Relative to developmental psychology, narcissistic parenting will adversely affect children in the areas of reasoning, emotional, ethical, and societal behaviors and attitudes as they mature. Within the realm of narcissistic parenting, personal boundaries are often disregarded with the goal of molding and manipulating the child to satisfy the parents’ expectations.

Narcissistic people with low self esteem feel the need to control how others regard them, fearing they will be blamed or rejected and personal inadequacies exposed. They are self-absorbed, some to the point of grandiosity; and being preoccupied with protecting their self image, they tend to be inflexible, and lack the empathy necessary for child raising.

Characteristics

The term “narcissism,” as used in Sigmund Freud’s clinical study, noted behavioral observations such as self-aggrandizement, self-esteem vulnerability, fear of losing the affection of people and of failure, reliance on defense mechanisms, perfectionism and interpersonal conflict.

Narcissism tends to play out inter-generationally, with narcissistic parents producing either narcissistic or codependent children in turn.Whereas a self-confident parent – the good-enough parent – can allow a child its autonomous development, the narcissistic parent may instead use the child as a means to promote their own image.The father concerned with self-enhancement – with being mirrored and admired by a son – may leave the latter feeling a puppet to his father's emotional/intellectual demands.

To maintain their self-esteem, and protect their vulnerable selves, narcissists need to control others' behavior – particularly that of their children seen as extensions of themselves. Thus narcissistic parents may speak of carrying the torch, maintaining the family image, or making mother or father proud and may reproach their children for exhibiting weakness, being too dramatic, or not meeting the standard of what is expected. As a result, children of narcissists learn to play their part and to perform their special skill, especially in public or for others; but typically do not have many memories of having felt loved or appreciated for being themselves, rather associating their experience of love and appreciation with conforming to the demands of the narcissistic parent.

Destructive narcissistic parents have a pattern of consistently being the focus of attention, exaggerating, seeking compliments and putting their children down. Punishment in the form of blame, criticism or emotional blackmail, and attempts to induce guilt, may be used to ensure compliance with the parents' wishes and their need for narcissistic supply.

Children of narcissists

Children of a resistant, more stubborn temperament parent defend against being supportive of others in the house. They observe how the selfish parents get their needs met by others. They learn how manipulation and using guilt gets the parent what he or she wants. They develop a false self and use aggression and intimidation to get their way. Some of the most common issues in narcissistic parenting are due to the lack of appropriate, responsible nurturing which ultimately contributes to a child’s feeling of emptiness, insecurity in loving relationships, imaginary fears, mistrust of others, identity conflict and inability to develop a unique existence from that of the parent.

The sensitive, guilt-ridden children in the family learn to meet the parent’s needs for gratification and try to get love by accommodating the whims and wishes of the parent. The child’s normal feelings are ignored, denied and eventually repressed in attempts to gain the parent’s “love”. Guilt and shame keep the child locked into this developmental arrest. Their aggressive impulses and rage become split off and are not integrated with normal development. These children develop a false self as a defense mechanism and become codependent in relationships. The child's unconscious denial of their true self perpetuates a cycle of self-hatred, fearing any reminder of their authentic self.

Narcissistic parenting often leads to children being either victimized or bullying themselves, hyper sexual in nature (media driven), having a poor or overly inflated body image, tendency to use and/or abuse drugs or alcohol, body modification such as piercings or tattoos, or acting out (in a potentially harmful manner) for attention.

Wednesday, July 27, 2016

KUFANIKIWA KATIKA MAISHA SIO ELIMU BALI UJASIRI WA KUJIAMINI NA KUTHUBUTU


Nimepata huu ujumbe toka kwa rafiki kupitia chat ya whatsapp. Sijajua nani ameandika ujumbe huu ila nampa hongera 100%. Kuna wakati maisha ya elimu yalikuwa yanadisappoint maana kwa mtu mwenye uchu wa maendeleo niliona kama vile nachelewa sana, maana nasoma miaka mingi halafu umri unazidi kwenda na bado ukiomba kazi unaambiwa tunahitaji experience ya miaka flani au flani.
Kama sio kutupa msongo wa mawazo na kutufanya wajinga ni nini? 

Ila pia nashukuru Mungu kwa mkwamo huo kwasababu ulinilazimu kutoka nje ya elimu ili kutafuta maisha. Elimu ni sehemu moja tu ya maisha ya mtu, kuna sehemu nyingine ambazo ni talanta ulizopewa na mwenyezi Mungu, mapenzi yako mwenyewe katika jambo flani, uzoefu wa kufanya jambo flani kwa muda na mengine, hayo yamekuwa sababu ya kutupatia kipato sisi tuliokerwa na habari za "work experience".

Kama mtu alikua anasuka nywele wenzake wakati yupo shule ya msingi au sekondari, unakuta huyo mtu hata kama ana shahada ya ualimu na kazi hapati basi atafungua saluni yake ilimradi tu ajipatie pesa maana atleast ana ujuzi wa jambo flani kwa muda mwingi wa maisha yake.
Huu ujumbe pia uwape motisha wasiokuwa na elimu ya juu, watafanikiwa tu, wasikae kujutia kukosa elimu wakati Mungu amewapa talanta na kuwawekea mapenzi ya fani flani ndani yao au wamekua wakifanya jambo flani lililowapa ujuzi na baadae wanaweza kugeuza ujuzi wa jambo hilo kuwa ajira.
                               
   'BE INSPIRED'

Ukichunguza katika jamii, utabaini kuwa sehemu kubwa ya matajiri ni wale ambao wana elimu ndogo ama hawakusoma kabisa.

Katika miji na maeneo yote; wenye majengo ya maana, wenye makampuni makubwa, wenye utitiri wa malori na mabasi, wenye maduka makubwa ni wale wa "darasa la saba” au wale ambao hawakuingia darasani kabisa.

Wasomi wengi wana maisha ya kawaida yaani yale ya kiwango cha kubadilisha mboga, wakijitahidi sana wanaishia kujenga nyumba za kuishi na magari mawili ya kutembelea (tena kwa mikopo!).

Wapo wasomi wengi tu wanaoishi kimasikini, kwa lugha ya kistaarabu tunasema wana maisha ya kuungaunga. Kiukweli idadi ya wasomi walio matajiri ni ndogo sana. 

Lakini Umasikini wa wasomi wengi umeanzia huko shuleni na vyuoni wanakopatia usomi wao. Madarasani kuna mambo mawili wanafundishwa wasomi ambayo ndio yanayowaroga.

Hii inachangiwa na mambo mawili.

1 - Wameelimishwa na kuaminishwa kwamba yule anaepata maswali yote kwa usahihi ndio anaonekana amefaulu. Ukikosea unahesabika kuwa u mjinga na wenyewe wanaita umefeli.
Hata hivyo katika maisha ya kawaida hasa kwenye mchakato wa kutafuta hela, kujaribu na kukosea ni sehemu ya mafanikio.

Kadiri unavyojaribu na kukosea mara nyingi ndivyo unavyojifunza na ndivyo nafasi ya kutajirika kwako inakuwa kubwa!

Wasomi wengi kwa sababu ya "mentality" ya kuogopa kukosea huwa hawapendi kujaribu biashara kwa hofu ya kushindwa kuiendesha, na huamua kufa kimasikini wakitegemea mishahara pekee kwa sababu mishahara ndio pato lao la uhakika.

2 - Madarasani kunahimizwa ubinafsi badala ya umoja. Angalia namna mitihani inavyofanyika. Kila mwanafunzi anafanya mtihani peke yake, na ukikutwa unaangalizia ama mnasaidiana na mwenzio ndani ya chumba cha mtihani mtapata adhabu kali ikiwemo kufutiwa mtihani!

Katika maisha ya kawaida hasa ya kusaka fedha, unahitajika ushirikiano mkubwa sana, baina yako na wadau, wateja, wafanyakazi wenzio, marafiki n.k. Kwa kifupi unatakiwa kuwa na Networking ya kutosha.

Huwezi kufika mbali kiuchumi kama utakuwa na "mentality" ya ubinafsi unaosisitizwa madarasani!
Simaanishi kusoma hakuna maana, isipokuwa ninakwambia: Kama ukipata nafasi ya kusoma, soma kwa bidii; lakini usibebe kila wanachokulisha madarasani; ukakileta huku mtaani.

Mtaani panahitaji akili ambayo ni tofauti na hiyo iliyopimwa kupitia kukariri ya vitabuni, mwishoni wanakuzawadia makaratasi yaitwayo vyeti.

Ukitaka kufanikiwa ungana na waliofanikiwa wakuelekeze.

Truth

Tuesday, July 26, 2016

Ngoma Africa band yawapandisha mzuka washabiki mjini Tübingen,Ujerumani

Na Zainab Ally Hamis
Dar es salaam School of Journalism(DSJ)

Bendi maarufu ya muziki wa dansi barani ulaya Ngoma Africa band almaarufu kwa majina ya FFU-Ughaibuni au viumbe wa ajabu Anunnaki Aliens wengine wanawaita "Watoto wa Mbwa" juzi jumamosi 23 julai 2016 walifanikiwa tena kuwatia kiwewe na kuwapandisha mzuka washabiki katika maonyesho makubwa ya International Afrika Festival mjini Tübingen ,ujerumani.mkuu wa bendi hiyo Kamanda Ras Makunja alikiongoza kikosi kazi chake jukwaani wakiwemo washambuliaji wa magitaa au mitutu akina afande Chris-B, na Professor Matondo Benda,mpiga bass Aj Nbongo na drumer Sajent major Jo Jo Sousa,safu ya waimbaji na wanenguaji wa kike akina Jessicha Ouyah na Flora William bendi hiyo ilifanya vitu vyake jukwaani na kuwatia kiwewe washabiki

Thursday, July 21, 2016

Dance this saturday

THIS SATURDAY pale Unleashed Dance Studio Mikocheni B, kutakuwa na wataalamu wa kimataifa wa kudance miondoko ya kilatina. Kutakuwa na mafundisho ya salsa, bachata, chacha na Kizomba... Ni kuanzia saa 4 asubuhi mpaka saa 6 mchana.
Bei ni Tsh 30,000 TU Kwa VYOTE...

Anza weekend yako na mambo yenye maana...Come dance with us. Piga au SMS 0685 271391 ku-confirm kufika.

#UnleashedDanceStudio #UnleashedAcademyTz #LetsGetDarDancing #DanceInDar #bachata #salsa #kizomba #chacha

Wednesday, July 20, 2016

S.H. AMON Strong end & Curls and natural Hair show Sehemu ya Kwanza


Kwa wale mliokosa kufika kwenye show ya dawa mpya za nywele kwaajili ya nywele natural  (Curls and Natural) na nywele za dawa (Strong ends), hiki ndicho kilichoendelea kwenye show hiyo iliyofanyika siku ya Jumatatu tarehe 18 Julai 2016 ndani ya Landmark Hotel Ubungo. 

Wadau wa saluni walijitokeza kwa wingi na walijifunza mambo mengi ikiwemo pamoja na jinsi ya kuweka dawa, vifaa vya kutumia wakati wa kuweka dawa, kuosha nywele za mteja, bidhaa za kutumia ili kuondoa kemikali ya dawa kwenye nywele nakadhalika. 

Tazama picha za warembo kabla hawajawekwa dawa / kutengeneza nywele natural na baada, uone muonekano wao ulivyovutia. 

Kwa bidhaa hizi za nywele fika S.H Amon shop iliyopo karibu yako.