The House Looked Perfect… Until We Moved In

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My cousin and I recently moved into a new house. And honestly? It’s exactly what we were looking for.

In our eyes, it’s perfect because it fits our needs. She needed a large enough living room to create her social media content. I needed a spacious bedroom with enough room to have my office desk right next to my bed.

On camera, the house is perfect. But is it really?

Even before we moved in, there were signs that this “perfect” house had its issues.

The fundis took much longer than expected to install the curtain rods because parts of the wall weren’t strong enough. There had clearly been curtain rods there before, and it seems the patchwork hadn’t been done properly. Instead of a strong cement repair, some areas were too weak for the nails to hold.

Okay. Annoying, but fixable. Then we moved in.

We had hired professionals to thoroughly clean the house before we settled in. It looked beautiful. Fresh. Clean. Ready for us. By the second day, there was so much dust that you would have thought nobody had cleaned the house at all. 

My allergies were not amused. Eventually, we realized we would need someone to clean more frequently just to keep the dust under control.

Fine. Another adjustment.

Then, less than a month after moving in, the toilet clogged. Okay...

Then, out of nowhere, our SimTank broke from the bottom. How does a water tank just break from the bottom? I don’t even want to know.

Maybe it already had issues before we moved in. Maybe it was just one of those things waiting to happen. Either way, we were suddenly faced with two options: turn off the main water supply or leave it running and prepare ourselves for a horrifying water bill at the end of the month.

Luckily, we can store water in large buckets while we figure things out. But with one unexpected issue after another, I started thinking:

Is this what marriage is like?

You meet someone. You like what you see. You discover that certain parts of them fit what you’re looking for.

You decide, Yes. I can do life with this person.

Maybe, like our house, they tick the boxes that matter most to you. So you commit. You move in. And then you discover the cracks.

There’s that annoying habit you didn’t notice before. Then another. And another.

Suddenly, you’re staring at this person thinking, Wait... did I choose the right “house”? And maybe that’s where commitment really begins.

Because when something breaks in a house you love, your first instinct isn't always to move out. Sometimes you call the fundi. Sometimes you repair the wall. Sometimes you unclog the toilet. Sometimes you buy bigger buckets while waiting for the water tank to be fixed.

And sometimes you simply accept that maintaining something you chose requires more work than you imagined when you first fell in love with it.

Of course, there are houses with problems so serious that you genuinely need to leave. And the same can be true of relationships. Not everything should be tolerated simply because you made a commitment.

But perhaps there’s also a difference between a house that is unsafe to live in and a perfectly good house that occasionally needs a fundi.

Maybe relationships are like that too. The question becomes:

 When the imperfections start showing up, are you patient enough to work through what can be repaired?

Or does every crack make you wonder whether there is a better house somewhere else?

And if you do find another house... How long before you discover its cracks too?

Just something to think about.

XOXO

Mama Tembo

Online Connection Starts With Feeling Safe

To my ladies who have turned to online dating or social networking apps, can I get a show of hands? Safety is one of the reasons why I didn't turn to these sites before. Meeting someone online can be exciting. It can also make you wonder: How much should I share, and when? Whether you are looking for a new friend, a professional contact, or a potential partner, I think you deserve to set the pace.

Obviously, you start with a conversation. Ask questions, notice whether the other person respects your boundaries, and take your time before sharing personal information. But know that you do not owe anyone your phone number, home address, workplace details, or an immediate meeting. 

We designed Gemineye because it offers in-app ways to chat, call, and connect, so you can get to know someone without giving out your number right away. If an interaction feels uncomfortable, use the app’s reporting option.

When you decide to meet in person, choose a public place, tell someone you trust where you are going, and arrange your own transport. The same care applies to professional meetups and dates alike. Be cautious of anyone asking for money, documents, or secrecy, however convincing their story sounds.

Safety does not mean expecting the worst from everyone. It means giving a promising connection room to grow while looking after yourself. Connect on your terms with Gemineye: https://onelink.to/qgyhyx

 XOXO and Stay Safe

Mama Tembo 

Let’s Get Naked

Let’s get naked—but not in the way you think.

Let’s be honest. Let’s be real. Let’s pour out our fears, doubts, and the thoughts we wrestle with internally but never say aloud because we don’t want others to know how deeply wounded we are.

As a 40-year-old woman, some say I am not old, while others say I am not young. My own body tells me, “You are both. You are somewhere in between.”

Some days, I feel energetic. Other days, I wake up not knowing what is happening to my body or brain. I spend so much time researching my symptoms. Is this perimenopause? Is it caused by another condition I don’t know about?

Then comes my biggest and loudest emotional dilemma: having children.

From a very young age—and in every diary I have kept since my teenage years—I have always said that I would have five children. Yes, five!

Of course, I was young and didn’t understand what it takes to have and raise a child mentally, physically, financially, and in every other way. Somehow, I continued telling myself that I would have five children. In fact, I recently came across an old note—a prayer point—asking God to bless me with five children.

But now, at 40, and with all the issues I face daily, I wonder: What would fulfilling my desire to have five children actually look like? A first time mom if I may add. 

Could God be blessing me with the gift of raising other people’s children? Was I destined to be a mother or an aunt? Was I meant to give birth to my own children? Am I equipped to carry a pregnancy for nine whole months? Am I equipped to do it once—or even five times?

As a Christian, I pray and have faith because it is not about me; it is about God. I know that everything is possible with God. But do I truly know what God wants for me?

What if this—right now, the person I am today—is where I was meant to be and who I was meant to become? What if this is God’s will for my life? And what if holding on to the desire for five children is causing me pain and misery because it is about what I want rather than what I was destined to become?

One of the hardest things we must do as human beings is let go—let go of dreams, plans, and beliefs. In short, surrender!!! What if my body is telling me that it is okay to let go? What if it is okay to accept the life I have and carry on?

When I look at the many ways I have been a blessing to the people God has placed in my life, I believe I have done a good job of fulfilling my mission. I know I have messed up in many other ways, but what if my mission involves being there for others and letting go of desires that increasingly leave me questioning myself?

It is difficult to accept. It is a tough pill to swallow.

It is tough being naked—exposing the shame, sadness, and everything in between. I know we are often told to hold on, but what if letting go would bring more joy into my life? What if it would put me in a better position to be a blessing to more people than I could be if I became a mother?

As I sit here and write down my hidden fears, I sincerely hope that no one reading this will think I have lost faith. I haven’t. I simply want to be aligned with God’s will for my life.

I know God does the impossible. His way of showing it may be to give me quadruplets—or twins and triplets—when the time is right. But until that happens, I still choose to believe that God is faithful.

God has already done so much for me, in me, and through me that I could never lose faith in Him. I cannot stop loving God because of this. I trust Him too much to let Him go.

I am simply asking, “God, is it Your will for me to be a mother? And if it is, is it Your will for me to have five children?”

I would never want to make a choice outside God’s will and plans for my life. I have been rebellious enough times to know that the consequences of rebellion aren’t pretty. Let’s not fool ourselves: much of what happens in our lives results from the choices we make—good or bad.

I prefer the good part.

Anywho! Life is what happens while we are busy making plans.

Xoxo,
Mama Tembo

Let Them

The months of July and August have taught me one of the hardest lessons: let them.

No, I have not read The Let Them Theory by Mel Robbins. This is my own theory—one that has recently shown me that, sometimes, our love and desire to influence people’s lives can unintentionally lead them astray or cause them harm.

We are all wired differently for a reason. I, for one, like to simplify things to the point that even an eight-year-old could easily understand them. Then there are those who are creatures of habit. They will do the same thing in the same way every time, even when an easier approach exists.

When you try to introduce change into these people’s lives, you may cause more harm than good.

They may do things halfway your way and halfway their own way. Sadly, this usually does not work. Or they may follow your way but need your guidance from beginning to end.

The second approach is not necessarily bad. In fact, it shows that they are willing to learn. The challenge arises when they do it with a great deal of resistance. That resistance may sound like, “Well, I told you it wouldn’t work,” whenever they encounter an obstacle.

The pain of hearing that you led someone astray—when you believed you had shown them a clear path—is simply heartbreaking.

We are then left wondering: Do we continue to help, assist, teach, or show someone we love another, simpler way? Or do we let them continue along the path they know, so that when they face challenges, we are not the ones blamed in the end?

Sometimes, perhaps, the most loving thing we can do is simply let them.

Xoxo,

MamaTembo