The House Looked Perfect… Until We Moved In

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My cousin and I recently moved into a new house. And honestly? It’s exactly what we were looking for.

In our eyes, it’s perfect because it fits our needs. She needed a large enough living room to create her social media content. I needed a spacious bedroom with enough room to have my office desk right next to my bed.

On camera, the house is perfect. But is it really?

Even before we moved in, there were signs that this “perfect” house had its issues.

The fundis took much longer than expected to install the curtain rods because parts of the wall weren’t strong enough. There had clearly been curtain rods there before, and it seems the patchwork hadn’t been done properly. Instead of a strong cement repair, some areas were too weak for the nails to hold.

Okay. Annoying, but fixable. Then we moved in.

We had hired professionals to thoroughly clean the house before we settled in. It looked beautiful. Fresh. Clean. Ready for us. By the second day, there was so much dust that you would have thought nobody had cleaned the house at all. 

My allergies were not amused. Eventually, we realized we would need someone to clean more frequently just to keep the dust under control.

Fine. Another adjustment.

Then, less than a month after moving in, the toilet clogged. Okay...

Then, out of nowhere, our SimTank broke from the bottom. How does a water tank just break from the bottom? I don’t even want to know.

Maybe it already had issues before we moved in. Maybe it was just one of those things waiting to happen. Either way, we were suddenly faced with two options: turn off the main water supply or leave it running and prepare ourselves for a horrifying water bill at the end of the month.

Luckily, we can store water in large buckets while we figure things out. But with one unexpected issue after another, I started thinking:

Is this what marriage is like?

You meet someone. You like what you see. You discover that certain parts of them fit what you’re looking for.

You decide, Yes. I can do life with this person.

Maybe, like our house, they tick the boxes that matter most to you. So you commit. You move in. And then you discover the cracks.

There’s that annoying habit you didn’t notice before. Then another. And another.

Suddenly, you’re staring at this person thinking, Wait... did I choose the right “house”? And maybe that’s where commitment really begins.

Because when something breaks in a house you love, your first instinct isn't always to move out. Sometimes you call the fundi. Sometimes you repair the wall. Sometimes you unclog the toilet. Sometimes you buy bigger buckets while waiting for the water tank to be fixed.

And sometimes you simply accept that maintaining something you chose requires more work than you imagined when you first fell in love with it.

Of course, there are houses with problems so serious that you genuinely need to leave. And the same can be true of relationships. Not everything should be tolerated simply because you made a commitment.

But perhaps there’s also a difference between a house that is unsafe to live in and a perfectly good house that occasionally needs a fundi.

Maybe relationships are like that too. The question becomes:

 When the imperfections start showing up, are you patient enough to work through what can be repaired?

Or does every crack make you wonder whether there is a better house somewhere else?

And if you do find another house... How long before you discover its cracks too?

Just something to think about.

XOXO

Mama Tembo

Online Connection Starts With Feeling Safe

To my ladies who have turned to online dating or social networking apps, can I get a show of hands? Safety is one of the reasons why I didn't turn to these sites before. Meeting someone online can be exciting. It can also make you wonder: How much should I share, and when? Whether you are looking for a new friend, a professional contact, or a potential partner, I think you deserve to set the pace.

Obviously, you start with a conversation. Ask questions, notice whether the other person respects your boundaries, and take your time before sharing personal information. But know that you do not owe anyone your phone number, home address, workplace details, or an immediate meeting. 

We designed Gemineye because it offers in-app ways to chat, call, and connect, so you can get to know someone without giving out your number right away. If an interaction feels uncomfortable, use the app’s reporting option.

When you decide to meet in person, choose a public place, tell someone you trust where you are going, and arrange your own transport. The same care applies to professional meetups and dates alike. Be cautious of anyone asking for money, documents, or secrecy, however convincing their story sounds.

Safety does not mean expecting the worst from everyone. It means giving a promising connection room to grow while looking after yourself. Connect on your terms with Gemineye: https://onelink.to/qgyhyx

 XOXO and Stay Safe

Mama Tembo 

Let’s Get Naked

Let’s get naked—but not in the way you think.

Let’s be honest. Let’s be real. Let’s pour out our fears, doubts, and the thoughts we wrestle with internally but never say aloud because we don’t want others to know how deeply wounded we are.

As a 40-year-old woman, some say I am not old, while others say I am not young. My own body tells me, “You are both. You are somewhere in between.”

Some days, I feel energetic. Other days, I wake up not knowing what is happening to my body or brain. I spend so much time researching my symptoms. Is this perimenopause? Is it caused by another condition I don’t know about?

Then comes my biggest and loudest emotional dilemma: having children.

From a very young age—and in every diary I have kept since my teenage years—I have always said that I would have five children. Yes, five!

Of course, I was young and didn’t understand what it takes to have and raise a child mentally, physically, financially, and in every other way. Somehow, I continued telling myself that I would have five children. In fact, I recently came across an old note—a prayer point—asking God to bless me with five children.

But now, at 40, and with all the issues I face daily, I wonder: What would fulfilling my desire to have five children actually look like? A first time mom if I may add. 

Could God be blessing me with the gift of raising other people’s children? Was I destined to be a mother or an aunt? Was I meant to give birth to my own children? Am I equipped to carry a pregnancy for nine whole months? Am I equipped to do it once—or even five times?

As a Christian, I pray and have faith because it is not about me; it is about God. I know that everything is possible with God. But do I truly know what God wants for me?

What if this—right now, the person I am today—is where I was meant to be and who I was meant to become? What if this is God’s will for my life? And what if holding on to the desire for five children is causing me pain and misery because it is about what I want rather than what I was destined to become?

One of the hardest things we must do as human beings is let go—let go of dreams, plans, and beliefs. In short, surrender!!! What if my body is telling me that it is okay to let go? What if it is okay to accept the life I have and carry on?

When I look at the many ways I have been a blessing to the people God has placed in my life, I believe I have done a good job of fulfilling my mission. I know I have messed up in many other ways, but what if my mission involves being there for others and letting go of desires that increasingly leave me questioning myself?

It is difficult to accept. It is a tough pill to swallow.

It is tough being naked—exposing the shame, sadness, and everything in between. I know we are often told to hold on, but what if letting go would bring more joy into my life? What if it would put me in a better position to be a blessing to more people than I could be if I became a mother?

As I sit here and write down my hidden fears, I sincerely hope that no one reading this will think I have lost faith. I haven’t. I simply want to be aligned with God’s will for my life.

I know God does the impossible. His way of showing it may be to give me quadruplets—or twins and triplets—when the time is right. But until that happens, I still choose to believe that God is faithful.

God has already done so much for me, in me, and through me that I could never lose faith in Him. I cannot stop loving God because of this. I trust Him too much to let Him go.

I am simply asking, “God, is it Your will for me to be a mother? And if it is, is it Your will for me to have five children?”

I would never want to make a choice outside God’s will and plans for my life. I have been rebellious enough times to know that the consequences of rebellion aren’t pretty. Let’s not fool ourselves: much of what happens in our lives results from the choices we make—good or bad.

I prefer the good part.

Anywho! Life is what happens while we are busy making plans.

Xoxo,
Mama Tembo

Let Them

The months of July and August have taught me one of the hardest lessons: let them.

No, I have not read The Let Them Theory by Mel Robbins. This is my own theory—one that has recently shown me that, sometimes, our love and desire to influence people’s lives can unintentionally lead them astray or cause them harm.

We are all wired differently for a reason. I, for one, like to simplify things to the point that even an eight-year-old could easily understand them. Then there are those who are creatures of habit. They will do the same thing in the same way every time, even when an easier approach exists.

When you try to introduce change into these people’s lives, you may cause more harm than good.

They may do things halfway your way and halfway their own way. Sadly, this usually does not work. Or they may follow your way but need your guidance from beginning to end.

The second approach is not necessarily bad. In fact, it shows that they are willing to learn. The challenge arises when they do it with a great deal of resistance. That resistance may sound like, “Well, I told you it wouldn’t work,” whenever they encounter an obstacle.

The pain of hearing that you led someone astray—when you believed you had shown them a clear path—is simply heartbreaking.

We are then left wondering: Do we continue to help, assist, teach, or show someone we love another, simpler way? Or do we let them continue along the path they know, so that when they face challenges, we are not the ones blamed in the end?

Sometimes, perhaps, the most loving thing we can do is simply let them.

Xoxo,

MamaTembo

Are We Conditioned to Suffer?

This is not the first time I've caught myself wanting to be busy when everything around me—and within me—is saying, calm down. Relax. Enjoy this peace.

A few minutes later, my mind begins to wander, thinking about all the things I should be doing instead of sitting here, breathing in the fresh air, enjoying the view, and praising God for His amazing creation—the lush greenery, the beautiful blue sky, and the white clouds above.

Who told us we have to be busy to feel good about ourselves?

Does this stem from our mothers waking us up on Saturdays—in the name of not raising lazy children—instead of letting us rest? Does it come from being millennials and growing up hearing phrases like, work hard and survival of the fittest?

Do we realize that, for the most part, creativity comes when we are relaxed? When we allow ourselves to meditate, be one with the Creator, appreciate the beauty of creation, practice gratitude, and embrace the goodness of God around us in whatever form it comes.

Paying bills is important, but being in alignment with who we are and what we are called to do is even more important. We don't have to toil; we can co-create with God. We can create the life God has planned for us.

"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." — Jeremiah 29:11 (NIV)

May we allow ourselves to simply be, and trust the process.

XOXO,

Mamatembo Safari
Kampala, Uganda

Are You a Resolution Hype-Type, or a Goal Setter-Type?

New year, new resolutions… and by May, most of them are forgottenMaybe the problem isn’t the excitement. Maybe it’s the approach.

Instead of making resolutions, try setting GOALS. 🎯 Resolutions are often emotional and seasonal. Goals require intention, planning, discipline, and a clear mind. When you set goals, you’re telling yourself: ✔️ “I’m committed to growth.” ✔️ “I’m willing to work step by step.” ✔️ “I’m building something meaningful.” Real goals come with preparation: 1️⃣ You consult people who understand the area you want to grow in. 2️⃣ You pray, seek spiritual guidance, and ask for strength to stay consistent. 3️⃣ You review your budget and realistically plan how to achieve it. Goals train your mind to execute, whether short-term or long-term. So the question is…are you a resolution hype-type, or a goal setter-type? 👀✨ 🎙️ Watch the full episode on Girls in Bongo Podcast.

Guilty as Charged

I’ll admit it, I am guilty as charged. I use AI. Not occasionally. Not secretly. But openly, consistently, and unapologetically.

From writing reports and generating captions to drafting newsletters and refining ideas, tools like ChatGPT, NotebookLM, and Suno have become part of my everyday workflow. And honestly? It feels like I have a photographer, a music producer, a writer, and a personal assistant all rolled into one.

But that raises the question many people are quietly (or loudly) asking:

• Is AI making us lazy?
• My answer is simple: No. It’s making us smarter / creative and efficient.

Before AI, certain tasks demanded hours, sometimes days of mental energy. Writing a well-structured report, crafting engaging captions, or putting together a compelling newsletter required time, effort, and often… burnout.

Now? AI helps me:

• Draft faster

• Think clearer

• Execute quicker

But let’s be honest it doesn’t replace me. It supports me. AI gives me a starting point, a structure, a push.

But the voice, the intention, the authenticity? That still comes from me.

The “Lazy” argument, let’s talk about it. There’s a narrative floating around that relying on AI is equivalent

to taking shortcuts. But here’s a different perspective:

• Is using a calculator laziness—or efficiency?
• Is using Google cheating—or resourcefulness?

AI is simply the next evolution of tools we’ve always used. The real issue isn’t the tool—it’s the user. It Starts With You. How we use AI is deeply rooted in how we were raised and what we believe about effort and growth. Were you taught:

• To seek help when needed?

• To collaborate and leverage tools?

Or were you conditioned to:

• Avoid effort?

• Let others carry the weight?

Because here’s the truth, AI doesn’t make you lazy your mindset does. It’s like the knife analogy Think of AI like a knife. A knife can:

• Help you cook a beautiful meal

• Or cause harm in the wrong hands

The tool itself isn’t good or bad. Its impact depends entirely on how it’s used. AI is no different. Work smarter, not smaller. AI frees up time and energy so you can focus on what truly matters:

• Creativity

• Strategy

• Human connection

• Decision-making

These are areas AI cannot fully replace. So instead of spending hours formatting a report,

you can spend that time refining your ideas. Instead of struggling with writer’s block,

you can focus on storytelling. That’s not laziness. That’s evolution.

Don’t lose yourself in the noise. With all the hype, fear, and excitement around AI, it’s easy to get swept

up in the madness. But here’s your grounding reminder:

• Do what you do best.

• Use AI as a tool, not a crutch.

• Stay authentic. Stay intentional.

And most importantly, it's okay to ask for help, even if that help comes from your favorite AI tool.

One Last Thing…If you’ve made it this far, here’s a fun twist: This blog post was modified by ChatGPT.

How cool is that? Guilty as charged.

XOXO

Mama Tembo

Dating in Your 30s in Tanzania: Love, Pressure & Finding the Right Person (Bila Stress)

Dating in your 30s hits different. Na ukiwa Tanzania? It comes with even more layers like family expectations, career pressure, and your own personal growth journey. At this stage, hauko tena kwenye mchezo wa kubahatisha. You’re not dating just for vibes, you’re dating with intention. You know what you want. Lakini swali ni… how do you actually find it?

Let’s be honest. Once you hit 30 in Tanzania, the conversation changes. It’s no longer “who are you dating?” it becomes“Harusi lini?”

Family, friends, even neighbors who've known you since childhood feel entitled to timelines.
Na sometimes, this pressure inaweza kukupeleka kwenye relationship ambayo sio sahihi, just to meet expectations.

Dating in your 30s is not a joke. The pool is poooooling LOL. You’ll meet people who are divorced, single parents, career-driven (a.k.a very busy), healing from past relationships, au the typical "I want you to be my mistress." Life is lifeing at this point, lakini pia inahitaji maturity, patience, and understanding of yourself and the other person.

Between kazi, biashara, family responsibilities… time is not on your side. You don’t have energy for mixed signals, situationships or the endless talking stages. Unataka clarity mapema. And that doesn't make you the villain unless the other person is in it to play games.

By your 30s, you’ve experienced life. Umeumizwa, umejifunza, umekua. But here’s the challenge, how do you stay open to love bila kuogopa kuumizwa tena? Not everyone has done the inner work and that’s where dating becomes tricky. And even those who have done the work, pray they don't become SELFISH in the name of SELFLOVE. Not all therapists will guide you from a point of self awareness with love, compassion and grace for the other person. Wengine wanakufanya uwe na roho ngumu kama ya Farao, LOL. 

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One of the big challenges I see kwenye mahusiano ni what do you need to know from the other person ili uweze kujua kama mnaendana. Au ndio akishakuwa tall, dark and handsome basi ndio kazi kwisha, you have found your soulmate?  Jokes aside, watu wengi bado hawajui kuuliza maswali sahihi, hawajui kueleza wanachotaka na hawako clear kuhusu intentions zao. Au wanaogopa kusema their intentions coz they just need a 'time filler', yaani, they will say all the right things to win you over so they can have someone to sleep next to while they wait to fall in love with the love of their lives who may or may not come in the near future. And that’s why people end up wasting time kwenye connections ambazo hazina direction.

May 2026 be the year we date with intention, clarity, safety, and real conversations. At this point, nime join a dating app. Tuone tunakutana na nani huko. I am no longer letting chance do the work, I am taking the advice ya 'put yourself out there' at least kupitia online dating maana kutoka out usiku sio my strongest move. I prefer staying in and watching movies. 

And I always say, nothing goes to waste. Hata yale uliyopitia that really hurt you, they taught you something that has come in handy later in life. So if I don't get my personal-person from this dating platform, then at least I will have gained a friend or two. And trust me, friendships are the real goal.  

So, my fellow 30 plus ladies and gents. Allow yourself to love and be loved. Huu ni mwaka wa kuonyesha upendo, however it comes. 

XOXO

Mamatembo

Therapy

 

What if this year, your biggest resolution isn’t hustle, weight loss, or perfection but healing?

Let's talk about why therapy matters, especially in seasons where life feels heavier, relationships feel more complex, and old coping mechanisms no longer work. While it’s okay to share frustrations with friends and loved ones, there’s a unique power in having an unbiased third party, someone trained in psychology, attachment styles, emotional patterns, and human behavior to help you understand why you do what you do.

In many cultures, therapy is misunderstood, mocked, or dismissed. But growth requires honesty. As we get older, we realize that what worked for us years ago may not work in this new season. Healing demands new tools, deeper self-awareness, and compassion—for ourselves and for others.

When you know better, you get to choose better.

You get to choose you.

XOXO

Mamatembo Safari

5 Things to Avoid in 2026

 

Does age really matter when we date?

Asking on behalf of my fellow women, why do most women in their late 30s and 40s date younger? What caused this great shift in the dating scene? What changed these couple of years that wasn't the case a few years back?

Does age really matter when we date? Is it more about personalities, maturity, world outlook? Is this more of a millennial women thing or a century thing? A deep dive into this is needed, perhaps with testimonials of real life situations that will bring clarity to what really is the reason behind this age-gap dating. 

 

If It Worked Then, It Still Works Now

For someone who hasn’t paid her cable subscription for over nine months, the last week of October gave me a reality check, if it worked then, it still works now.

The Freedom That Made Us Forget
Over the months, I’ve received countless calls from my cable provider with tempting offers, but I ignored them all. Some days, I’d pick up and hang up the moment I realized who was calling. Other times, not wanting to sound rude, I’d say, “She (me) isn’t here,” and end the call politely.

You see, we all crave power and control, and that’s exactly what the internet gave us.
The power to pause a movie and answer a call.
The flexibility to continue where we left off.
The joy of skipping commercials, or not having any at all.
The freedom from watching the same movie several times a week (I watched Monster-in-Law three times this week!).
That’s how most of us drifted away from cable. These days, the only time we sit still and watch something from beginning to end is at the cinema.

When Cable Became a “House Help Thing”
The last time I paid for a cable subscription was when my mom came to visit.
And, if we’re being honest, in most households with internet access, cable stays on only because the house-help or relatives want to catch their favorite daily or weekly local shows.
You may ask, what about the kids?
Well, they’re glued to their tablets watching YouTube, Netflix, or playing games.

Cable Tried to Catch Up But We’d Moved On
Some cable providers tried to meet us where we are by offering streaming services on mobile and desktop.
A great idea, truly.
But if you’re not a football fanatic, that gesture probably didn’t move you much.

Then Came October 29th
When our world stood still, we went back to our first love.
When we needed real-time updates about what was happening in our country, we turned to our decoders.
I, for one, was glued to Al Jazeera for coverage.

A Familiar Companion
For me, one particular cable provider was just that, a familiar companion from the early 2000s, when the lowest bundle cost $60, to today, when it’s as low as TZS 27,500.
We’ve truly come a long way.

Lesson Learned

Don’t ignore what worked years ago. Get yourself a cable subscription, you never know when you’ll need it again.