Faith It Till You Make It

I was reading the Bible recently and I had a strange thought. Remember when the children of Israel would win battles in the days of Joshua when they entered the promise land, not because they were stronger than every other army, but because God would say, don't be afraid, go fight them and I will give you victory over them. Then it got me thinking. When I go to church and a Pastor says, 'increase your faith,' I failed to recognize that whatever it was that I wanted to see happen or changed in my life, was not for me to do it but for God to do it. So, I thought, the issue was not me believing in me, the issue was me not believing God can solve it. What a light bulb moment. Now, my resolution for the remainder of the year is, "Faith it till you make it." Have faith that God will do it because HE CAN, and watch it come to manifest! Whoop Whoop!! XOXO MamatemboSafari

Faithfully Broken

Lessons learned from my Bible study this week have me feeling some typa way deeeeeep doooown in my belly. See, I realized it’s easy to trust God in and for things that He has already done, but we get hiccups when it comes to trusting God for things He has not yet done in our lives (if this ain’t you - I applaud you, and please be my spiritual mentor for a minute). 

For instance, before you had a JOB you probably wondered if God will give you the job you desired or any job for that matter - then few weeks or months down the line God decides to bless you with a job that you wanted or better than what you wanted. Then you realize it’s all a miracle! Then you start having faith in God in your provision for a job. Then you believe you do not lack faith in God in any part of your life. You fully believe that your faith is intact.

But then you’ve never been seriously ill before and all of a  sudden you get a condition that seems so big that will either cost your life, on top of costing so much money to go through treatment, or one that has no cure! Then you realized even though you have so much trust in God when it comes to getting a job - and you happily shout ‘God did it before, He will do it again’. But can you say that same sentence over your medical condition? And sometimes it may be easy to have faith in God that He will do a miracle for someone else, but when it comes to your issues do you still have the same amount of faith? Or what about being encouraged by others to have faith that God will do a miracle in your life but you know that what they are asking you to trust God for is something you’ve been trusting God for - for many years, then you slowly started losing faith over God’s willingness to do a miracle for you in that area?! 

What a tough pill to swallow. That’s the moment you realize that you have been compartmentalizing God’s willingness (not ability) to bless you and there goes your faith! Interesting how losing faith can happen just like that! 

Again, this may not be you because you are a faithful warrior, however, if you are going through this, don’t worry, you are not alone. As for me though, I would not mind getting a budget a hotel in Dodoma or any type of accommodation in Dodoma and take a week off from my life and just retire from this phase of life and wake up when my faith is 100% restored. Why Dodoma? Well, it’s better to question life about it’s plans for you from a place you first came into the world. In case you were born in a car - take a road trip that’ll sort you out (I joke).

Why Do We Have To Grieve

Image from Google

Grieving is an interesting state in our lives. I wish we didn’t have to go through the stages of grieving, or better yet, not lose anything at all. I am capable of writing a long post in 5 minutes (or ten if you count the extra 5 minutes of proofreading and making corrections), but until this day, I have not been able to write about losing my Dad. I hate crying and when I write about him I tend to cry. I am not a private person nor am I out there trying to share pictures and stories about my parents, because the one thing that I love and hold dear are my parents. There is a level of love that you feel for someone that you want to selfishly keep to yourself and the only way people will know how you genuinely feel about those people is the way you talk about them or think about them, and are able and willing to do things for them. And my parents are a sacred relationship for me. A mix of good, bad and everything in between. 

I hate grieving because it makes me question my faith, it makes me question the meaning of life and everything we are striving for - I mean, what’s the point of it all? Why live, go to school, work hard, fall in love, only to die at the end of the day and be missed by those closest to you? Why do people have to die? Is death really necessary? 

I grieved a two year relationship last year and allowed myself to heal. I grieved a job, I grieved my life, I grieved my plans, I grieved my future because I hate living in the unknown. This year, I entered 2019 with not making a single resolution because what’s the point of making plans when God has His own? And this He proved to be true. As I was opening my heart again to accept life and maybe start making plans, He took my Dad away. And so I GRIEVE! 

I have questions that no one should dare to give me answers to because no one knows jack! No one knows why things happen the way they do so no one has the right to say anything. Life and death is a mystery and there’s nothing we can do about it. 

I read online on how to grieve and I’ve done it all, gone back to nature and took pictures to distract myself, gone to church and cried my eyes out, listened to party songs to boost my mood, and yet I at night I cry. 

The sad thing about grief is that, nothing is interesting anymore. Not a person that once sparkled your life, not good news about someone being engaged, pregnant or having a new job, nothing is fascinating anymore, it’s all a big nothing. Then I hear sad news about people losing loved ones, I feel sorry for them, but my heart says they are better off to be done with life’s uncertainty. They are better of being with God than having to fight temptation everyday, lose hope, lose faith and stand a chance to lose their salvation. I don’t know who has it better, them or us! And someday, us will be among them.

Someday though, maybe someday we’ll know the “Because” behind every “Why”, but until then, our minds are full of unanswered questions and only heaven has all the answers - just like a real estate data bank. 

Travis Greene - Made A Way (Official Music Video)

  This song is my anthem for this year as I encourage myself when I feel worried, defeated, empty, unprepared, trapped, anything...you name it. And eventually He comes through!! When I meditate on God's word over my life. And of course, pray that God changes areas in my life (mostly me) that may be causing me to be in a state of mind of being defeated, anxious etc,. He makes a way!!!!