Wednesday, July 15, 2015


As part of our 12 Ways to Divorce-Proof Your Marriage series, today we will discuss how you speak about your spouse in front of others.

Your spouse, especially if you have been married a long time, is one of the only people that have seen the good, the bad, and the ugly side of you. They have seen you naked physically, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually. They know your ins and outs, your quirky habits, and your loves and hates. But what happens when we use this information as venom, when we talk about our spouse to others?

I have on numerous occasions heard people discuss their spouse in a negative manner, display negative feelings towards their spouse, and/or portray their spouse in a negative manner. This is no good for you, your spouse, or your marriage. Let’s look first at the power of our words, and then we will dive into the damage that it causes when we negatively discuss our spouse to others.

The power of words
Proverbs 18:21 tells us,
Death and life are in the power of the tongue
Solomon was the wisest man to live, and he understood that when you speak, your words actually do something more than just rattle the vocal chords in your throat. They actually bring life or death.
Have you ever praised somebody for something that they did, whether that be a child or an adult? When they hear those words, it’s like you can see them instantly light up. You have spoken life to them mentally, emotionally, and/or even spiritually. On the contrary, if you scold or even condemn a person for something they have done, you can see the life instantly drain out of them. You have spoken death to them spiritually, emotionally, or even mentally. You can literally speak life or death into a person based on how you speak to them.
Dr. Masaru Emoto conducted an experiment on water as it crystalized during freezing. He studied how words and intentions affected the water. The results are simply amazing, and once you correlate that to the understanding that the human body is made up of 50-60% water, you will truly understand how much power your words have. You can find Dr. Emoto’s studies HERE.

What you say to others about your spouse
Now that you understand that your words actually carry quite a bit of power, literally life and death, let us discuss how you talk about your spouse to those around you.
When you speak negatively of your spouse to others, whether that is your family, friends, acquaintances, or even to the spouse himself or herself you do a number of things.
First, you destroy their character.
Second, you paint them in a bad light, so that when they come around those people, the first thing that will come into their mind is the negativity that you spoke. This again destroys their character.
Third, you allow the devil to get a foothold in your marriage, by dwelling on the negative things that may happen.
Fourth, the more you speak those negative things, the more you speak death into your marriage.
Fifth, when speaking directly to your spouse, think of the death that you are causing inside of them. (Refer to Dr. Emoto’s study above and the make up of the human body.)
Consider these verses:
Let no unwholesome word proceed from your mouth, but only such a word as is good for edification according to the need of the moment, so that it will give grace to those who hear. – Ephesians 4:29
So also the tongue is a small part of the body, and yet it boasts of great things. See how great a forest is set aflame by such a small fire! – James 3:5
Paul instructs us in Philippians 4:8,
Finally, brethren, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is of good repute, if there is any excellence and if anything worthy of praise, dwell on these things.
When you dwell on those things that are negative about your spouse, you destroy the life within your marriage. Decide today that you will commit to only speaking life into your marriage by only speaking positively about your spouse to others. EVEN IF your spouse has done something negative or something that hurt you, I challenge you to even speak well of your enemies.
Allow Christ to be the head of your marriage and to be glorified in all aspects of it. Crucify the self, the flesh, and allow Christ to be alive within your marriage.

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