Being alert to ways spouses can be unfaithful to their mates is vital.
These 10 behaviors can lead to the ultimate unfaithfulness. Learn them
and be on guard.
- Having an affair is not even on your radar. Never gonna happen.
You love your spouse and you'd never be unfaithful to her or him.
However, you may be unaware of other ways you are being unfaithful. If
these actions continue, you may find yourself on the slippery slope that
leads to that never-intended affair and a sorrow you never wanted in
your life.
Unfaithfulness usually creeps in through the back door, disguising
itself as harmless fun or innocent behavior. If you want your marriage
to endure and be filled with happiness you may need to check this list
to see if you have fallen prey to any of these unfaithful behaviors.
1. Flirting
Having a little playful fun at the
office with a co-worker can't be too bad, you may rationalize. After
all, flirting is fun. Avoid it like the plague. It's dangerous. If
someone flirts with you, ignore it. What falls into the category of
flirting? Here's one explanation
of what flirting is. "[It] usually involves speaking and behaving in a
way that suggests a mildly greater intimacy than the actual relationship
between the parties would justify, though within the rules of social
etiquette, which generally disapproves of a direct expression of sexual
interest. This may be accomplished by communicating a sense of
playfulness or irony... Body language can include flicking the hair, eye
contact, brief touching, etc."
Married people should never engage in this type of behavior with
anyone other than their spouse. It is a full-on form of unfaithfulness
that leads to no good. The one you're flirting with may take it as an
invitation and pursue a relationship you never intended.
2. Confiding in the opposite gender
When you pour
out your troubles to someone of the opposite gender you are putting
yourself in a vulnerable position. It may seem harmless. After all, you
just needed a shoulder to cry on. If you've got a problem, talk about it
with your spouse. That's your best-ever shoulder to cry on. If that's
not working for you, try a trusted relative, clergyman, or therapist.
Not someone who may consider this an invitation for intimacy. Even if it
doesn't start that way, too often it ends that way. It's a form of
unfaithfulness.
3. Spending time alone with someone else
What
appears to be an innocent lunch out with someone of the opposite sex or
stopping by for a chat at that someone's home without your spouse is
definitely in the category of unfaithful behavior. You or the other
person may say, "Hey, we're both adults. Nothing's going to happen."
Well, things do happen. It's not appropriate. Go home and spend that
time with your spouse.
4. Talking negatively about your mate
When you are a
true friend to someone you never say bad things about them to others.
Your mate is your best friend and is the last person you should ever
talk about negatively. If you have a beef with your honey, talk it out
with him or her. Let your conversations with others focus on the good
things about your spouse. That's being faithful. The exception here is
abuse. If abuse is happening it needs to be reported to a trusted
friend, counselor, and the police. You must keep yourself safe.
5. Chatting on the Internet with someone of the opposite sex
If
you think this is harmless, think again. It may start out that way, but
it definitely won't end that way. Some have engaged in what they
considered innocent talk with a former boyfriend or girlfriend from high
school or college days, or even a stranger. One thing can lead to
another and before you know it, your marriage is in jeopardy. Don't do
it. It will only end in sorrow and heartbreak for your family.
6. Dressing to attract the attention of someone other than your spouse
If
you're dressing up to look good for someone else, you need to reexamine
your motives. Trying to attract someone else by wearing a sexy looking
outfit is one more way to jump into unfaithful waters.
7. Writing personal intimate notes or letters to someone else
If
you're writing a letter of condolence or congratulations, or other good
wishes, let it be from both you and your spouse. Then there will be no
misunderstanding about your intentions.
8. Not being a willing sexual partner with your spouse
Being
faithful to your spouse means giving yourself over to him or her to
enjoy the intimate side of your marriage. To withhold sexual intimacy
from your spouse if not doing your part in keeping your marriage strong
and fulfilling. It creates sorrow and even suspicion. Being a faithful
spouse means doing your part to make it a beautiful relationship in all
aspects.
9. Putting your parents before your spouse
Your
spouse must always be the number one person in your life. If something
wonderful happens to you, like a promotion, a confirmation of a
pregnancy, or any other good news, you may be tempted to immediately
call a parent to share in the joy. Resist. Let your spouse be the first
to know your good news. Then share it with others.
Need more convincing? Check out 5 reasons why it's important to put your spouse before your parents.
10. Putting your children before your spouse
Kids
matter. They are very important people in your life, but not more
important than your spouse. If you knock your spouse off the top of your
priority list you are not showing total fidelity to him or her. Your
mate must come first. Not only does it cement your marriage and make it
stronger, it gives your children the best security blanket they will
ever have.
Check yourself on these points and make sure you are being 100
percent faithful to your spouse. By doing this you will create a
genuinely happy and fulfilling marriage.
Disagree? Agree? Read more: Why it matters to put your spouse before your children
By Gary and Joy Lundberg
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