Sijajua kama kwa hapa Tanzania wanasaikolojia wameongelea hii hali moja wapo ya matatizo ya nafsi - personality disorder inayoitwa Narcissism. Na kama haijaongelewa naomba wataalam wazipitie articles za wataalam wengine nchi za nje na watusaidie kuzitafsiri ili watanzania wengi tuweze kujua kama tuna hili tatizo ili tujue jinsi ya kujikomboa.
Maana zamani kabla PCOS, Endometriosis, low sperm count etc etc, havijaongelewa watu walikuwa busy kusema mtu kalogwa ndio maana mgumba kumbe ishu imekaa kisayansi zaidi. Narcissism ni tatizo kubwa sana na watu wengi wanadalili za hili tatizo ila ndio kwasababu hatulijui tunaishia kusema mtu huyu hivi mtu huyu vile.
Soma hizo tabia hapo chini uone kama una baadhi ya hizo tabia.
The tell tale signs to help you recognize a covert narcissist:
1. Emptiness, seems to have something missing that you can’t quite put your finger on
2. Stubborn, rarely apologizing unless they want something from you (see narcissistic supply)
3. Ability to make you feel guilty, even when something is not your fault
4. Entirely self centered; they are the center of their own universe
5. Expert liars; charming, hypnotic, a master of manipulation
6. Projecting their insecurities and defects onto you
7. Very sensitive to constructive criticism
8. Inability to form intimate relationships
9. Inability to feel genuine remorse
10. Blaming others for their problems
11. Low emotional intelligence
12. Highly materialistic
13. Extreme lack of empathy
14. Superficially charming
15. A victim mentality
Source : Wikipedia
A narcissistic parent is a parent affected by narcissism or narcissistic personality disorder. Typically narcissistic parents are exclusively and possessively close to their children and may be especially envious of, and threatened by, their child's growing independence.The result may be what has been termed a pattern of narcissistic attachment, with the child considered to exist solely to fulfill the parent's wishes and needs. Relative to developmental psychology, narcissistic parenting will adversely affect children in the areas of reasoning, emotional, ethical, and societal behaviors and attitudes as they mature. Within the realm of narcissistic parenting, personal boundaries are often disregarded with the goal of molding and manipulating the child to satisfy the parents’ expectations.
Narcissistic people with low self esteem feel the need to control how others regard them, fearing they will be blamed or rejected and personal inadequacies exposed. They are self-absorbed, some to the point of grandiosity; and being preoccupied with protecting their self image, they tend to be inflexible, and lack the empathy necessary for child raising.
The term “narcissism,” as used in Sigmund Freud’s clinical study, noted behavioral observations such as self-aggrandizement, self-esteem vulnerability, fear of losing the affection of people and of failure, reliance on defense mechanisms, perfectionism and interpersonal conflict.
Narcissism tends to play out inter-generationally, with narcissistic parents producing either narcissistic or codependent children in turn.Whereas a self-confident parent – the good-enough parent – can allow a child its autonomous development, the narcissistic parent may instead use the child as a means to promote their own image.The father concerned with self-enhancement – with being mirrored and admired by a son – may leave the latter feeling a puppet to his father's emotional/intellectual demands.
To maintain their self-esteem, and protect their vulnerable selves, narcissists need to control others' behavior – particularly that of their children seen as extensions of themselves. Thus narcissistic parents may speak of carrying the torch, maintaining the family image, or making mother or father proud and may reproach their children for exhibiting weakness, being too dramatic, or not meeting the standard of what is expected. As a result, children of narcissists learn to play their part and to perform their special skill, especially in public or for others; but typically do not have many memories of having felt loved or appreciated for being themselves, rather associating their experience of love and appreciation with conforming to the demands of the narcissistic parent.
Destructive narcissistic parents have a pattern of consistently being the focus of attention, exaggerating, seeking compliments and putting their children down. Punishment in the form of blame, criticism or emotional blackmail, and attempts to induce guilt, may be used to ensure compliance with the parents' wishes and their need for narcissistic supply.
Children of narcissists
Children of a resistant, more stubborn temperament parent defend against being supportive of others in the house. They observe how the selfish parents get their needs met by others. They learn how manipulation and using guilt gets the parent what he or she wants. They develop a false self and use aggression and intimidation to get their way. Some of the most common issues in narcissistic parenting are due to the lack of appropriate, responsible nurturing which ultimately contributes to a child’s feeling of emptiness, insecurity in loving relationships, imaginary fears, mistrust of others, identity conflict and inability to develop a unique existence from that of the parent.
The sensitive, guilt-ridden children in the family learn to meet the parent’s needs for gratification and try to get love by accommodating the whims and wishes of the parent. The child’s normal feelings are ignored, denied and eventually repressed in attempts to gain the parent’s “love”. Guilt and shame keep the child locked into this developmental arrest. Their aggressive impulses and rage become split off and are not integrated with normal development. These children develop a false self as a defense mechanism and become codependent in relationships. The child's unconscious denial of their true self perpetuates a cycle of self-hatred, fearing any reminder of their authentic self.
Narcissistic parenting often leads to children being either victimized or bullying themselves, hyper sexual in nature (media driven), having a poor or overly inflated body image, tendency to use and/or abuse drugs or alcohol, body modification such as piercings or tattoos, or acting out (in a potentially harmful manner) for attention.