Jamani hizi moves sizimetoka Africa????
Steve lol
Steve lol
Jamie Foxx
Jamie Foxx serenades Serena Williams at the ESPY Awards - Tennis Ball
Jamie Foxx Unleashed - Real Church
AMIE FOXX -SINGS NO WEAPON @CurtisNelsonII adds keys
DID ANYONE NOT HEAR THOSE CHORDS.....SICKKK!!
DID ANYONE NOT HEAR THOSE CHORDS.....SICKKK!!
Hilarious pick-up lines with Jamie Foxx || STEVE HARVEY
Be the best YOU!
#GoodMONDAY
Everybody is a specialist at something different. There is one thing you're naturally good at. Something you can easily get done well just being yourself. That thing you can be woken up from sleep to perform for. Stand up now to find and start living for that you...
When things come easy to us we naturally don't appreciate them. Sometimes because of today social distractions and discrimination we suppress this unique part of us. We look down on the best side of us and start living life struggling to be other people we are not. Other people we envy...
Our gifts come with us in different forms according to our purposes on earth. We are all here for different missions and actually came well equipped for our unique journeys. You're bound to fail If you travel the desert packed for a sea voyage. Find your strongest points in you and let all of your other parts work together for that you. Let's have a super week being the best of our best sides.
@Atemiyato
Akanni Temiyato
Hatimaye Mtoto Wa Whitney Houston Apumzika Kwa Amani
Rest In Heaven Bobbi Kristina
EXCLUSIVE: Bobbi Kristina Brown Dies at 22
"She is finally at peace in the arms of God," the Houston family said in statement to ET. "We want to again thank everyone for their tremendous amount of love and support during these last few months."
On Jan. 31, Bobbi Kristina was found unresponsive in her bathtub, and was then taken to North Fulton Hospital in Roswell, Georgia, where she was put on a ventilator to assist her breathing. She was later placed in a medically induced coma at Atlanta's Emory University Hospital.
VIDEO: Whitney Houston & Bobbi Kristina Brown: A Circle of Tragedy
Nearly two months later, she was moved to a rehabilitation center, where she remained until June 24, when she was moved to the hospice center.
"Despite the great medical care at numerous facilities, Bobbi Kristina Brown’s condition has continued to deteriorate," Pat Houston told ET in a statement that day. "We thank everyone for their support and prayers. She is in God's hands now."
PHOTOS: Bobbi Kristina's Sweetest Childhood Pics
Born March 4, 1993, in Livingston, New Jersey, Bobbi Kristina was thrust into the spotlight at an early age, but the love her mother had for her was obvious early on.
"She brings me a lot of joy," Houston told ET back in 1993. "She brings both Bobby and I a lot of joy. It's a different thing when you become a mother. It changes your whole perspective on life. You really don't live for you anymore. You're living for your children."
Between her father's string of hit songs and her mother being one of the best-selling artists of all time, as well as her parents' tumultuous relationship, as a child Bobbi Kristina became a target of tabloid scrutiny.
After years of controversy surrounding her parents, including accusations of domestic violence and drug abuse, Bobbi Kristina's parents eventually separated in 2006. When the divorce was finalized in 2007, Houston was awarded custody of her daughter.
On Feb. 11, 2012, Houston was found dead in a bathtub in her Beverly Hilton Hotel suite.
Bobbi Kristina had been very close to her mother, often appearing with her at movie premieres, and even accompanying her on tour. She would frequently speak to press about her mother's love and support, and Houston's death reportedly hit her very hard.
EXCLUSIVE: Cissy Houston Opens Up About Bobbi Kristina:
'Whatever the Lord Decides, I'm Ready.'
Bobbi Kristina was in the lobby of the Beverly Hilton when she was informed of her mother's death. According to reports at the time, Bobbi Kristina suffered a hysterical breakdown and had to be sedated and hospitalized. She was soon discharged after being treated for severe stress and anxiety.
Only 18 years old when her mother died, Bobbi Kristina became the sole inheritor of Houston's estate. The inheritance was estimated at nearly $115 million.
"I still feel her everywhere," Brown said on the 2012 reality show The Houstons: On Our Own. "She's still around me and that's what keeps me comfortable, is knowing that my best friend, my everything, is still with me."
Bobbi Kristina's bond with her late mother was reminiscent of the close relationship Houston shared with her own mom, Cissy Houston. "That's a little bit of what my mother and I had," Bobbi Kristina acknowledged on The Houstons. "That's the bond that we share and we did share. We still share that bond no matter what -- even after death."
Bobbi Kristina even had deep aspirations of following in her mother's footsteps. On Jan. 29, Bobbi Kristina promised a bright future ahead, tweeting, "Let's start this career up&&moving OUT to TO YOU ALLLL quick shall we !?!???!"
Following her mother's untimely death, Bobbi Kristina sought comfort in Nick Gordon, a childhood friend who grew up with her under the same roof.
The two began a romantic relationship, becoming engaged in October 2012, just eight months after Houston's passing. The couple claimed to have tied the knot on Jan. 9, 2014, though family representatives later said the marriage was not official. Shortly after Bobbi Kristina's hospitalization, Gordon appeared on Dr. Phil and subsequently checked into rehab after the emotional interview and left after nearly seven weeks on April 28. Following Bobbi Kristina's transition into hospice care, her court-appointed conservator filed a $10 million lawsuit against Gordon.
The discovery of Bobbi Kristina in the bathtub came just days before the third anniversary of her mother's passing. A source close to the situation told ET that Bobbi Kristina suffered from an apparent drug overdose, the circumstances of which were eerily similar to those of her mother's passing. Houston's death was ruled an accident as a result of drowning, but the medical examiner also stated that cocaine and drug-related heart disease contributed to her demise.
by ETonline Staff 5:30 PM PDT, July 26, 2015
Overcome the Fear of Failure
"Take risks: if you win, you will be happy; if you lose, you will be wise." Anonymous
"Our greatest glory is not in never falling, but in rising every time we fall." Confucius
"Failure is success if we learn from it." Malcolm Forbes
"I've missed more than 9000 shots in my career. I've lost almost 300 games. 26 times, I've been trusted to take the game winning shot and missed. I've failed over and over and over again in my life. And that is why I succeed." Michael Jordan
"Remembering that I'll be dead soon is the most important tool I've ever encountered to help me make the big choices in life. Because almost everything - all external expectations, all pride, all fear of embarrassment or failure - these things just fall away in the face of death, leaving only what is truly important." Steve Jobs
"Fear is only as deep as the mind allows." Japanese Proverb
"If you're doing your best, you won't have any time to worry about failure." H. Jackson Brown, Jr.
"The only failure is not to try." George Clooney
"Failure doesn't mean you are a failure it just means you haven't succeeded yet." Robert H. Schuller
"Most great people have attained their greatest success just one step beyond their greatest failure." Napoleon Hill
"The greatest mistake you can make in life is to continually be afraid you will make one." Elbert Hubbard
Salama Jabir - Kuhusu Ugomvi wa Diamond na Ali Kiba
Salama Jabir afunguka alichokipost kuhusu Ugomvi wa Diamond na Ali Kiba
Very well said. "Mimi sina team. Mimi ni Mtanzania."
Wooord!!!
#GoodMONDAY
Strongly, I have been attracted to quite a lot of people and things in my life. I've missed some and gotten some. I've gone for some and I've have had to leave some to just pass. Just being myself, I've attracted some coming for me too while the best connections naturally just happened.
I have long stopped chasing what's running away. I've been concentrating more on what's coming back for me and moving along my life direction. The earlier we start loving who's loving our good, the earlier we start appreciating true love. The earlier we start doing business with who's got something good to offer back, the earlier we start gaining real results. It starts just putting our needs over our wants and we would start making that real progress...
Life is too short to spend it wasting your energies where they wouldn't be appreciated. You are unique and specially made for greatness but need the right people around to manifest. Stop living in fantasy of wishes and start settling into the reality of just being the best of you for what's good for you.
Let's have a great week giving our best for our good!
@Atemiyato
Akanni Temiyato
Did The Narcissist Ever Really Love Me?
This is one of the most commonly asked questions from those who have given their hearts, and souls to a narcissist. At first the relationship is very intense and romantic and it seems perhaps you have finally found "the one."
I recently watched a movie where a character comically said "or you are still chasing after the elusive "one." Meaning we often spend our lives waiting for the one who will finally make everything right with our world. Initially it may seem the narcissistic lover is "the one." But after the honeymoon is over the tables turn. Why? Well because the honeymoon is over! And narcissists love the honeymoon.
In all healthy relationships there comes a time where the honeymoon must evolve into something real. This means it is time for real communication, dealing with issues, concerns and commitments. It means having the ability to work with a partner, to consider the needs of that partner, to let go of the need to be "right" in favor of having true communication, accountability and responsibility. If you have a concern in your relationship you should be able to take your concern to your partner and be heard. You should also be able to listen, really listen to the concerns of your partner. In a narcissistic relationship this doesn't happen.
The reason the narcissist loves the honeymoon is because he can be stuck in the Peter Pan, terminal boyhood stage where he doesn't have to be responsible or accountable. He doesn't want to deal with issues in the relationship. If any issues are brought up he will be quick to dump them back on you and walk away. He loves the romance, the attention, admiration, adoration, promise of ideal love and hope that he has found "the one" who will tolerate all his weirdness without question. When his beloved begins to question him, differ with him or make demands, his "weirdness" escalates. He resorts to his manipulation techniques to get you to stop bringing his issues to the forefront. And his greatest manipulation technique is to dump it all on you. It is your fault. You are too demanding! You don't accept him as he is!
The narcissist doesn't want to grow up and be accountable. He is entitled to constant attention and admiration without having to invest anything more than the initial time it took to woo you. Once you have been wooed you should be hooked in and he shouldn't have to invest so much anymore. He has groomed you to be a constant source of admiration, attention, sex, affection, and nurturing. The piece that is missing is that the narcissist doesn't seem to believe that he should reciprocate.
With men there is an unlimited supply of selfless women out there who believe in taking care of their man and catering to his needs without concern for their own. And so it is pretty easy to groom a woman to play this role. With female narcissists they want to be the queen and look for men who will completely adore and admire them, once again without any concern for their own needs. Men who had demanding or narcissistic Mother's might easily align with a woman like this and cater to her every need in order to keep her around.
Underneath it all the narcissist can't enter into a place of mature love. Their love is immature, self centered and needy. They are looking for unconditional love but are unwilling to give it. And so the question "did he ever really love me?" can be answered simply by saying "he loved you to the extent he was able. He never had the ability to move beyond the honeymoon and upgrade to mature love. He is stuck in "young" love which is intense, passionate and romantic while it lasts. For a time, you might be "the one" for the narcissist. But when you begin to have needs or demands from the relationship, or you are disagreeable, it will change. When you begin to question his behavior whether it be viewing porn, staying out late or ignoring you, he will be angry at you because he wants you to completely affirm and validate him, no matter what he does. He expects for you to tolerate his affairs, his porn, his sex addiction, his avoidance issues, and anything else he does. This is narcissism! Narcissism is self centered and immature. It doesn't consider you or your needs.
Often when you are cut off, abandoned, devalued and discarded, it is a punishment for your refusal to comply. And as victims of narcissism we often believe it is somehow our fault that he or she treated us with such contempt. We wrack our brains wondering what we did to deserve such cruel treatment. But it is and never has been about you. What you did is refuse to cater to his needs and affirm him unconditionally. But unless you want to completely give up yourself and be absorbed by the narcissist, it is unrealistic to play this role with him. Often we do, for quite a long time. We are conditioned to turn a blind eye, to take him back after he had an affair and not ask questions, and suffer through the cold spells and silent treatments. But eventually one of two things happens. Either the narcissist gets bored with you because you no longer challenge him, or you get fed up with his behavior and start making demands for yourself which may eventually result in your leaving.
You can't always know what is going on inside the tortured mind of the narcissist. The one thing you can know is that he or she is unable to truly give you what you want, need and deserve; a whole, healthy relationship. So whether you leave or the narcissist leaves, you are better off.
It is perfectly O.K. to love the narcissist, even after it is over. If your love was real then honor that and embrace it. This means you are able to love in a deep and honest way. Sometimes the narcissistic relationship shows us how deeply we can and do love. Playing with Peter Pan can be a magical experience, one that you don't forget. It can be intense, passionate, sexy, and romantic. But you are destined to live in never never land which means you will never have anything real or true. It is all only make believe.
I believe there is a part of the narcissist that does love those he gets involved with. At least some of them. He or she may also use relationships to get something he/she wants. The narcissist may marry for money, or prestige or power. A narcissist may get involved with you because you are eye candy and make him/her look good. But then, most people make choices based on what's in it for them. Most people are physically attracted to someone because they perceive that person as hot, or beautiful, or gorgeous. People with money, or power or prestige never have trouble finding a mate, because the mate is more attracted to the goodies, than the person. Many people are attracted to fixer uppers hoping they can rehabilitate them and make them the "perfect mate."
Love only goes as deep as we do, and frankly if your mate doesn't run very deep than neither will the love. If your mate hasn't taken the time to develop himself or herself than it's not likely going to change in the relationship. If you've spent your life embracing "personal growth" and your mate has never read a book on the topic, then you can bet that personal growth isn't high on his list of priorities.
Did the narcissist ever really love you? Perhaps he loved the idea of you. Perhaps he loved how you made him feel. Perhaps he loved the fantasy of what life with you could bring him. Perhaps he loved the idea that he has finally found someone who will love him unconditionally and ignore his shortcomings (which are a lot.) Perhaps he was taken by your beauty, or intelligence or wit. But he was never strong enough to go the next level. And ultimately that is what you wanted right? You wanted a real, mature, loving, caring, nurturing relationship that considered your needs. And you simply weren't going to get it from someone that shallow.
If you tell yourself that you loved him and he loved you to the best of his ability given what he had to work with, you can finally make peace with it all and let him go to be who and what he is....a narcissist.
http://www.narcissismfree.com/art_did-the-narcissist-ever-really-love-me.php
5 Sneaky Things Narcissists Do To Take Advantage Of You
In popular culture, the term “narcissistic” is thrown about quite
loosely, usually referring to vanity and self-absorption. This reduces
narcissism to a common quality that everyone possesses and downplays the
symptoms demonstrated by people with the actual disorder. While
narcissism does exist on a spectrum, narcissism as a full-fledged personality disorder is quite different.
Watch out for the following covert manipulation tactics when you’re dating someone or in any other kind of relationship:
You are mislead into thinking that if you just learn not to be so
“needy” or “clingy,” the narcissist will reward you with the loving
behavior he or she demonstrated in the beginning. These are words that
narcissists often use to demean victims when abuse victims mourn the
loss of the idealization phase or react normally to being provoked. It’s
a way to maintain control over your legitimate emotional reactions to
their stonewalling, emotional withdrawal and inconsistency.
Unfortunately, it is during the devaluation phase that a narcissist’s true self shows itself. You have to understand that the man or woman in the beginning of the relationship never truly existed. The true colors are only now beginning to show, so it will be a struggle as you attempt to reconcile the image that the narcissist presented to you with his or her current behavior.
Even though the narcissist can be quite possessive and jealous over you, since he or she views you as an object and a source of narcissistic supply, the narcissist is prone to projecting this behavior onto you. The narcissist makes you seem like the needy one as you react to his or her withdrawal and withholding patterns even though the expectations of frequent contact were established early on in the relationship by the narcissist himself.
During the discard phase, the narcissist abandons his or her victim in the most horrific, demeaning way possible to convince the victim that he or she is worthless. This could range from: leaving the victim for another lover, humiliating the victim in public, blatantly ignoring the partner for a long period of time, being physically aggressive and a whole range of other demeaning behaviors to communicate to the victim that he or she is no longer important.
Although “normal” relationships can end in a similar this manner as well, the difference is that the narcissist often makes it clear he or she intends to hurt you by giving you the silent treatment, spreading rumors about you, cheating on you, insulting you and disrespecting you during the discard phase. Unlike “normal” partners, they ensure that you never have closure, and if you decide to leave them, they might decide to stalk you to show that they still have control.
Narcissists are masters of making you doubt yourself and the abuse. This is why victims so often suffer even after the ending of a relationship with a narcissist, because the emotional invalidation they received from the narcissist made them feel powerless in their agency and perceptions. This self-doubt enables them to stay within abusive relationships even when it’s clear that the relationship is a toxic one, because they are led to mistrust their own instincts and interpretations of events.
Beware of people who seem to shape-shift suddenly before your eyes into different personas — this is a red flag that they are not authentic in their interactions with you and others. It is no surprise, then, that the narcissist will probably begin a smear campaign against you not too long after the discard phase, in order to paint you as the unstable one, and that this is usually successful with the narcissist’s support network which also tends to consist of other narcissists, people-pleasers, empaths, as well as people who are easily charmed.
This smear campaign is used to accomplish three things: 1) it depicts you as the abuser or unstable person and deflects your accusations of abuse; 2) it provokes you into responding, thus proving your instability to others when trying to argue his or her depiction of you; and 3) serves as a hoovering technique in which the narcissist seeks to pull you back into the trauma of the relationship as you struggle to reconcile the rumors about you with who you actually are by speaking out against the accusations.
The only way to not get pulled into this tactic is by going full No Contact with both the narcissist and his or her harem.
This triangulation can take place over social media, in person, or even through the narcissist’s own verbal accounts of the other woman or man. The narcissist relies on jealousy as a powerful emotion that can cause you to compete for his or her affections, so provocative statements like “I wish you’d be more like her,” or “He wants me back into his life, I don’t know what to do” are designed to trigger the abuse victim into competing and feeling insecure about his or her position in the narcissist’s life.
Unlike healthy relationships where jealousy is communicated and dealt with in a productive manner, the narcissist will belittle your feelings and continue inappropriate flirtations and affairs without a second thought. Triangulation is the way the narcissist maintains control and keeps you in check — you’re so busy competing for his or her attention that you’re less likely to be focusing on the red flags within the relationship or looking for ways to get out of the relationship.
You suffer a great deal of cognitive dissonance trying to reconcile the illusion the narcissist first presented to you with the tormenting behaviors he or she subjects you to. In order to cope with this cognitive dissonance, you might blame yourself for his or her abusive behavior and attempt to “improve” yourself when you have done nothing wrong, just to uphold your belief in the narcissist’s false self during the devaluation phase.
During the discard phase, the narcissist reveals the true self and you get a glimpse of the abuser that was lurking within all along. You bear witness to his or her cold, callous indifference as you are discarded. This is as close you will ever get to seeing the narcissist’s true self.
The manipulative, conniving charm that existed in the beginning is no more — instead, it is replaced by the genuine contempt that the narcissist felt for you all along. See, narcissists don’t truly feel empathy for others – so during the discard phase, they often feel absolutely nothing for you except the excitement of having exhausted another source of supply. You were just another source of narcissistic supply, so do not fool yourself into thinking that the magical connection that existed in the beginning was in any way real. It was an illusion, much like the identity of the narcissist was an illusion.
It is time to pick up the pieces, go No Contact, heal, and move forward. You were not only a victim of narcissistic abuse, but a survivor. Owning this dual status as both victim and survivor permits you to own your agency after the abuse and to live the life you were meant to lead — one filled with self-care, self-love, respect, and compassion.
By Shahida Arabi
People who meet the criteria for Narcissistic Personality Disorder or those who have traits of Antisocial Personality Disorder
can operate in extremely manipulative ways within the context of
intimate relationships due to their deceitfulness, lack of empathy, and
their tendency to be interpersonally exploitative. Although I will be
focusing on narcissistic abusers in this post, due to the overlap of
symptoms in these two disorders, this can potentially apply to
interactions with those who have ASPD to an extent.
It’s important in any kind of relationship that we learn to identify
the red flags when interacting with people who display malignant
narcissism and/or antisocial traits, so we can better protect ourselves
from exploitation and abuse, set appropriate boundaries with others, and
make informed decisions about who we keep in our lives. Understanding
the nature of these toxic interactions and how they affect us has an
enormous impact on our ability to engage in self-care.Watch out for the following covert manipulation tactics when you’re dating someone or in any other kind of relationship:
1. The Idealization-Devaluation-Discard Phase
Narcissists and those with antisocial traits tend to subject romantic partners through three phases within a relationship. The idealization phase (which often happens most strongly during the early stages of dating or a relationship) consists of putting you on a pedestal, making you the center of his/her world, being in contact with you frequently, and showering you with flattery and praise. You are convinced that the narcissist can’t live without you and that you’ve met your soulmate. Be wary of: constant texting, shallow flattery and wanting to be around you at all times. This is a technique known as “love-bombing” and it is how most victims get sucked in: they are flattered by the constant attention they get from the narcissist. You may be fooled into thinking that this means a narcissist is truly interested in you, when in fact, he or she is interested in making you dependent on their constant praise and attention.
The
devaluation phase is subsequent to this idealization phase, and this is
when you’re left wondering why you were so abruptly thrust off the
pedestal. The narcissist will suddenly start to blow hot and cold,
criticizing you, covertly and overtly putting you down, comparing you to
others, stonewalling you, emotionally withdrawing from you and giving
you the silent treatment when you’ve failed to meet their extreme
“standards.” Since the “hot” aspect of this phase relies on intermittent reinforcement
in which the narcissist gives you inconsistent spurts of the
idealization phase throughout, you become convinced that perhaps you are
at fault and you can “control” the narcissist’s reactions.
Unfortunately, it is during the devaluation phase that a narcissist’s true self shows itself. You have to understand that the man or woman in the beginning of the relationship never truly existed. The true colors are only now beginning to show, so it will be a struggle as you attempt to reconcile the image that the narcissist presented to you with his or her current behavior.
Even though the narcissist can be quite possessive and jealous over you, since he or she views you as an object and a source of narcissistic supply, the narcissist is prone to projecting this behavior onto you. The narcissist makes you seem like the needy one as you react to his or her withdrawal and withholding patterns even though the expectations of frequent contact were established early on in the relationship by the narcissist himself.
During the discard phase, the narcissist abandons his or her victim in the most horrific, demeaning way possible to convince the victim that he or she is worthless. This could range from: leaving the victim for another lover, humiliating the victim in public, blatantly ignoring the partner for a long period of time, being physically aggressive and a whole range of other demeaning behaviors to communicate to the victim that he or she is no longer important.
Although “normal” relationships can end in a similar this manner as well, the difference is that the narcissist often makes it clear he or she intends to hurt you by giving you the silent treatment, spreading rumors about you, cheating on you, insulting you and disrespecting you during the discard phase. Unlike “normal” partners, they ensure that you never have closure, and if you decide to leave them, they might decide to stalk you to show that they still have control.
2. Gaslighting.
While healthy relationships have room for respectful disagreement and consideration of one’s feelings, with the narcissist, gaslighting and constant emotional invalidation become the norm. Gaslighting is a technique abusers use to convince you that your perception of the abuse is inaccurate. During the devaluation and discard phases, the narcissist will often invalidate and criticize your emotions, and displace any blame of his or her abuse as your fault. Frequent use of phrases such as “You provoked me,” “You’re too sensitive,” “I never said that,” or “You’re taking things too seriously” after the narcissists’ abusive outbursts are common and are used to gaslight you into thinking that the abuse is indeed your fault or that it never even took place.Narcissists are masters of making you doubt yourself and the abuse. This is why victims so often suffer even after the ending of a relationship with a narcissist, because the emotional invalidation they received from the narcissist made them feel powerless in their agency and perceptions. This self-doubt enables them to stay within abusive relationships even when it’s clear that the relationship is a toxic one, because they are led to mistrust their own instincts and interpretations of events.
3. Smear campaigns.
Narcissists keep harems because they love to have their egos stroked and they need constant validation from the outside world to confirm their grandiose sense of self-importance and fulfill their need for excessive admiration. This is why they are clever chameleons who are also people-pleasers, morphing into whatever personality suits them in situations with different types of people to get what they want.Beware of people who seem to shape-shift suddenly before your eyes into different personas — this is a red flag that they are not authentic in their interactions with you and others. It is no surprise, then, that the narcissist will probably begin a smear campaign against you not too long after the discard phase, in order to paint you as the unstable one, and that this is usually successful with the narcissist’s support network which also tends to consist of other narcissists, people-pleasers, empaths, as well as people who are easily charmed.
This smear campaign is used to accomplish three things: 1) it depicts you as the abuser or unstable person and deflects your accusations of abuse; 2) it provokes you into responding, thus proving your instability to others when trying to argue his or her depiction of you; and 3) serves as a hoovering technique in which the narcissist seeks to pull you back into the trauma of the relationship as you struggle to reconcile the rumors about you with who you actually are by speaking out against the accusations.
The only way to not get pulled into this tactic is by going full No Contact with both the narcissist and his or her harem.
4. Triangulation.
Healthy relationships thrive on security; unhealthy ones are filled with provocation, uncertainty and infidelity. Narcissists like to manufacture love triangles and bring in the opinions of others to validate their point of view. They do this to an excessive extent in order to play puppeteer to your emotions. In the book Psychopath Free by Peace, the method of triangulation is discussed as a popular way the narcissist maintains control over your emotions. Triangulation consists of bringing the presence of another person into the dynamic of the relationship, whether it be an ex-lover, a current mistress, a relative, or a complete stranger.This triangulation can take place over social media, in person, or even through the narcissist’s own verbal accounts of the other woman or man. The narcissist relies on jealousy as a powerful emotion that can cause you to compete for his or her affections, so provocative statements like “I wish you’d be more like her,” or “He wants me back into his life, I don’t know what to do” are designed to trigger the abuse victim into competing and feeling insecure about his or her position in the narcissist’s life.
Unlike healthy relationships where jealousy is communicated and dealt with in a productive manner, the narcissist will belittle your feelings and continue inappropriate flirtations and affairs without a second thought. Triangulation is the way the narcissist maintains control and keeps you in check — you’re so busy competing for his or her attention that you’re less likely to be focusing on the red flags within the relationship or looking for ways to get out of the relationship.
5. The false self and the true self.
The narcissist hides behind the armor of a “false self,” a construct of qualities and traits that he or she usually presents to the outside world to gain admiration and attention. Due to this armor, you are unlikely to comprehend the full extent of a narcissist’s inhumanity and lack of empathy until you are in the discard phase. This can make it difficult to pinpoint who the narcissistic abuser truly is – the sweet, charming and seemingly remorseful person that appears shortly after the abuse, or the abusive partner who ridicules, invalidates and belittles you on a daily basis?You suffer a great deal of cognitive dissonance trying to reconcile the illusion the narcissist first presented to you with the tormenting behaviors he or she subjects you to. In order to cope with this cognitive dissonance, you might blame yourself for his or her abusive behavior and attempt to “improve” yourself when you have done nothing wrong, just to uphold your belief in the narcissist’s false self during the devaluation phase.
During the discard phase, the narcissist reveals the true self and you get a glimpse of the abuser that was lurking within all along. You bear witness to his or her cold, callous indifference as you are discarded. This is as close you will ever get to seeing the narcissist’s true self.
The manipulative, conniving charm that existed in the beginning is no more — instead, it is replaced by the genuine contempt that the narcissist felt for you all along. See, narcissists don’t truly feel empathy for others – so during the discard phase, they often feel absolutely nothing for you except the excitement of having exhausted another source of supply. You were just another source of narcissistic supply, so do not fool yourself into thinking that the magical connection that existed in the beginning was in any way real. It was an illusion, much like the identity of the narcissist was an illusion.
It is time to pick up the pieces, go No Contact, heal, and move forward. You were not only a victim of narcissistic abuse, but a survivor. Owning this dual status as both victim and survivor permits you to own your agency after the abuse and to live the life you were meant to lead — one filled with self-care, self-love, respect, and compassion.
By Shahida Arabi
Be Blessed
http://bible.com/59/rom.8.37-39.ESV
No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us. For I am sure that neither death nor life, nor angels nor rulers, nor things present nor things to come, nor powers, nor height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God in Christ Jesus our Lord.
Bishop Noel Jones
It's A Spiritual Battle
I love Bishop Noel Jones.
I love Bishop Noel Jones.
Is that Beyonce and Phallel 19:34?
God's Gonna Make You Laugh
Single people watch this!!!!
Single people watch this!!!!
10 ways you are being unfaithful to your spouse — and you don't even know it
- Having an affair is not even on your radar. Never gonna happen.
You love your spouse and you'd never be unfaithful to her or him.
However, you may be unaware of other ways you are being unfaithful. If
these actions continue, you may find yourself on the slippery slope that
leads to that never-intended affair and a sorrow you never wanted in
your life.
Unfaithfulness usually creeps in through the back door, disguising itself as harmless fun or innocent behavior. If you want your marriage to endure and be filled with happiness you may need to check this list to see if you have fallen prey to any of these unfaithful behaviors.
1. Flirting
Having a little playful fun at the office with a co-worker can't be too bad, you may rationalize. After all, flirting is fun. Avoid it like the plague. It's dangerous. If someone flirts with you, ignore it. What falls into the category of flirting? Here's one explanation of what flirting is. "[It] usually involves speaking and behaving in a way that suggests a mildly greater intimacy than the actual relationship between the parties would justify, though within the rules of social etiquette, which generally disapproves of a direct expression of sexual interest. This may be accomplished by communicating a sense of playfulness or irony... Body language can include flicking the hair, eye contact, brief touching, etc."
Married people should never engage in this type of behavior with anyone other than their spouse. It is a full-on form of unfaithfulness that leads to no good. The one you're flirting with may take it as an invitation and pursue a relationship you never intended.
2. Confiding in the opposite gender
When you pour out your troubles to someone of the opposite gender you are putting yourself in a vulnerable position. It may seem harmless. After all, you just needed a shoulder to cry on. If you've got a problem, talk about it with your spouse. That's your best-ever shoulder to cry on. If that's not working for you, try a trusted relative, clergyman, or therapist. Not someone who may consider this an invitation for intimacy. Even if it doesn't start that way, too often it ends that way. It's a form of unfaithfulness.
3. Spending time alone with someone else
What appears to be an innocent lunch out with someone of the opposite sex or stopping by for a chat at that someone's home without your spouse is definitely in the category of unfaithful behavior. You or the other person may say, "Hey, we're both adults. Nothing's going to happen." Well, things do happen. It's not appropriate. Go home and spend that time with your spouse.
4. Talking negatively about your mate
When you are a true friend to someone you never say bad things about them to others. Your mate is your best friend and is the last person you should ever talk about negatively. If you have a beef with your honey, talk it out with him or her. Let your conversations with others focus on the good things about your spouse. That's being faithful. The exception here is abuse. If abuse is happening it needs to be reported to a trusted friend, counselor, and the police. You must keep yourself safe.
5. Chatting on the Internet with someone of the opposite sex
If you think this is harmless, think again. It may start out that way, but it definitely won't end that way. Some have engaged in what they considered innocent talk with a former boyfriend or girlfriend from high school or college days, or even a stranger. One thing can lead to another and before you know it, your marriage is in jeopardy. Don't do it. It will only end in sorrow and heartbreak for your family.
6. Dressing to attract the attention of someone other than your spouse
If you're dressing up to look good for someone else, you need to reexamine your motives. Trying to attract someone else by wearing a sexy looking outfit is one more way to jump into unfaithful waters.
7. Writing personal intimate notes or letters to someone else
If you're writing a letter of condolence or congratulations, or other good wishes, let it be from both you and your spouse. Then there will be no misunderstanding about your intentions.
8. Not being a willing sexual partner with your spouse
Being faithful to your spouse means giving yourself over to him or her to enjoy the intimate side of your marriage. To withhold sexual intimacy from your spouse if not doing your part in keeping your marriage strong and fulfilling. It creates sorrow and even suspicion. Being a faithful spouse means doing your part to make it a beautiful relationship in all aspects.
9. Putting your parents before your spouse
Your spouse must always be the number one person in your life. If something wonderful happens to you, like a promotion, a confirmation of a pregnancy, or any other good news, you may be tempted to immediately call a parent to share in the joy. Resist. Let your spouse be the first to know your good news. Then share it with others.
Need more convincing? Check out 5 reasons why it's important to put your spouse before your parents.
10. Putting your children before your spouse
Kids matter. They are very important people in your life, but not more important than your spouse. If you knock your spouse off the top of your priority list you are not showing total fidelity to him or her. Your mate must come first. Not only does it cement your marriage and make it stronger, it gives your children the best security blanket they will ever have.
Check yourself on these points and make sure you are being 100 percent faithful to your spouse. By doing this you will create a genuinely happy and fulfilling marriage.
Disagree? Agree? Read more: Why it matters to put your spouse before your children
By Gary and Joy Lundberg
NEVER SPEAK NEGATIVELY ABOUT YOUR SPOUSE TO OTHERS
As part of our 12 Ways to Divorce-Proof Your Marriage series, today we will discuss how you speak about your spouse in front of others.
Your spouse, especially if you have been married a long time, is one of the only people that have seen the good, the bad, and the ugly side of you. They have seen you naked physically, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually. They know your ins and outs, your quirky habits, and your loves and hates. But what happens when we use this information as venom, when we talk about our spouse to others?
I have on numerous occasions heard people discuss their spouse in a negative manner, display negative feelings towards their spouse, and/or portray their spouse in a negative manner. This is no good for you, your spouse, or your marriage. Let’s look first at the power of our words, and then we will dive into the damage that it causes when we negatively discuss our spouse to others.
The power of words
Proverbs 18:21 tells us,
Have you ever praised somebody for something that they did, whether that be a child or an adult? When they hear those words, it’s like you can see them instantly light up. You have spoken life to them mentally, emotionally, and/or even spiritually. On the contrary, if you scold or even condemn a person for something they have done, you can see the life instantly drain out of them. You have spoken death to them spiritually, emotionally, or even mentally. You can literally speak life or death into a person based on how you speak to them.
Dr. Masaru Emoto conducted an experiment on water as it crystalized during freezing. He studied how words and intentions affected the water. The results are simply amazing, and once you correlate that to the understanding that the human body is made up of 50-60% water, you will truly understand how much power your words have. You can find Dr. Emoto’s studies HERE.
What you say to others about your spouse
Now that you understand that your words actually carry quite a bit of power, literally life and death, let us discuss how you talk about your spouse to those around you.
When you speak negatively of your spouse to others, whether that is your family, friends, acquaintances, or even to the spouse himself or herself you do a number of things.
First, you destroy their character.
Second, you paint them in a bad light, so that when they come around those people, the first thing that will come into their mind is the negativity that you spoke. This again destroys their character.
Third, you allow the devil to get a foothold in your marriage, by dwelling on the negative things that may happen.
Fourth, the more you speak those negative things, the more you speak death into your marriage.
Fifth, when speaking directly to your spouse, think of the death that you are causing inside of them. (Refer to Dr. Emoto’s study above and the make up of the human body.)
Consider these verses:
Allow Christ to be the head of your marriage and to be glorified in all aspects of it. Crucify the self, the flesh, and allow Christ to be alive within your marriage.
Your spouse, especially if you have been married a long time, is one of the only people that have seen the good, the bad, and the ugly side of you. They have seen you naked physically, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually. They know your ins and outs, your quirky habits, and your loves and hates. But what happens when we use this information as venom, when we talk about our spouse to others?
I have on numerous occasions heard people discuss their spouse in a negative manner, display negative feelings towards their spouse, and/or portray their spouse in a negative manner. This is no good for you, your spouse, or your marriage. Let’s look first at the power of our words, and then we will dive into the damage that it causes when we negatively discuss our spouse to others.
The power of words
Proverbs 18:21 tells us,
Death and life are in the power of the tongueSolomon was the wisest man to live, and he understood that when you speak, your words actually do something more than just rattle the vocal chords in your throat. They actually bring life or death.
Have you ever praised somebody for something that they did, whether that be a child or an adult? When they hear those words, it’s like you can see them instantly light up. You have spoken life to them mentally, emotionally, and/or even spiritually. On the contrary, if you scold or even condemn a person for something they have done, you can see the life instantly drain out of them. You have spoken death to them spiritually, emotionally, or even mentally. You can literally speak life or death into a person based on how you speak to them.
Dr. Masaru Emoto conducted an experiment on water as it crystalized during freezing. He studied how words and intentions affected the water. The results are simply amazing, and once you correlate that to the understanding that the human body is made up of 50-60% water, you will truly understand how much power your words have. You can find Dr. Emoto’s studies HERE.
What you say to others about your spouse
Now that you understand that your words actually carry quite a bit of power, literally life and death, let us discuss how you talk about your spouse to those around you.
When you speak negatively of your spouse to others, whether that is your family, friends, acquaintances, or even to the spouse himself or herself you do a number of things.
First, you destroy their character.
Second, you paint them in a bad light, so that when they come around those people, the first thing that will come into their mind is the negativity that you spoke. This again destroys their character.
Third, you allow the devil to get a foothold in your marriage, by dwelling on the negative things that may happen.
Fourth, the more you speak those negative things, the more you speak death into your marriage.
Fifth, when speaking directly to your spouse, think of the death that you are causing inside of them. (Refer to Dr. Emoto’s study above and the make up of the human body.)
Consider these verses:
Let no unwholesome word proceed from your mouth, but only such a word as is good for edification according to the need of the moment, so that it will give grace to those who hear. – Ephesians 4:29Paul instructs us in Philippians 4:8,
So also the tongue is a small part of the body, and yet it boasts of great things. See how great a forest is set aflame by such a small fire! – James 3:5
Finally, brethren, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is of good repute, if there is any excellence and if anything worthy of praise, dwell on these things.When you dwell on those things that are negative about your spouse, you destroy the life within your marriage. Decide today that you will commit to only speaking life into your marriage by only speaking positively about your spouse to others. EVEN IF your spouse has done something negative or something that hurt you, I challenge you to even speak well of your enemies.
Allow Christ to be the head of your marriage and to be glorified in all aspects of it. Crucify the self, the flesh, and allow Christ to be alive within your marriage.
Resilience Resilience
Resilience
is that ineffable quality that allows some people to be knocked down by
life and come back stronger than ever. Rather than letting failure
overcome them and drain their resolve, they find a way to rise from the
ashes. Psychologists have identified some of the factors that make
someone resilient, among them a positive attitude, optimism,
the ability to regulate emotions, and the ability to see failure as a
form of helpful feedback. Even after misfortune, resilient people are
blessed with such an outlook that they are able to change course and
soldier on.
https://www.psychologytoday.com/basics/resilience
When something goes wrong, do you tend to bounce back or fall apart?
When you have resilience, you harness inner strength that helps you rebound from a setback or challenge, such as a job loss, an illness, a disaster or the death of a loved one. If you lack resilience, you might dwell on problems, feel victimized, become overwhelmed or turn to unhealthy coping mechanisms, such as substance abuse.
Resilience won't make your problems go away — but resilience can give you the ability to see past them, find enjoyment in life and better handle stress. If you aren't as resilient as you'd like to be, you can develop skills to become more resilient.
Resilience is the ability to roll with the punches. When stress,
adversity or trauma strikes, you still experience anger, grief and pain,
but you're able to keep functioning — both physically and
psychologically. However, resilience isn't about toughing it out, being
stoic or going it alone. In fact, being able to reach out to others for
support is a key component of being resilient.
Resilience can help protect you from various mental health
conditions, such as depression and anxiety. Resilience can also help
offset factors that increase the risk of mental health conditions, such
as being bullied or previous trauma. If you have an existing mental
health condition, being resilient can improve your ability to cope.
By Mayo Clinic Staff
https://www.psychologytoday.com/basics/resilience
Resilience: Build skills to endure hardship
Resilience means being able to adapt to life's misfortunes and setbacks. Test your resilience level and get tips to build your own resilience.When you have resilience, you harness inner strength that helps you rebound from a setback or challenge, such as a job loss, an illness, a disaster or the death of a loved one. If you lack resilience, you might dwell on problems, feel victimized, become overwhelmed or turn to unhealthy coping mechanisms, such as substance abuse.
Resilience won't make your problems go away — but resilience can give you the ability to see past them, find enjoyment in life and better handle stress. If you aren't as resilient as you'd like to be, you can develop skills to become more resilient.
Adapting to adversity
Resilience and mental health
By Mayo Clinic Staff
What should I look for in a Christian boyfriend?
Answer:
Anybody can say they love Jesus or that they’re a Christian. But how do
you know, when you’re falling in love with someone, whether he is the
real deal? The Bible doesn’t mention the kind of dating relationships we
see today; in fact, the only romantic relationships portrayed are
either marriage relationships or adulterous relationships. What this
means is that a Christian boyfriend should be, first and foremost, a man
you plan to marry or at least someone who would make a good Christian husband.
A Christian woman should be looking for someone who is serious about
God and serious about his relationship with her. A Christian boyfriend
isn’t dating just for fun; he has marriage in mind.
The Bible is full of verses that describe what a Christian man should be
like, verses that are helpful and trustworthy for a woman who is
evaluating a potential husband. The following are some guidelines based
on those verses. A Christian boyfriend should be
Humble and teachable: The Bible tells us that a righteous man, or a wise man, will take instruction gladly, even when it hurts him (Psalm 141:5; Proverbs 9:9, 12:15).
A righteous man evidences a willingness to be corrected by Scripture
and a tendency to love and listen to those who can teach him from the
Scripture.
Honest: Do his actions agree with his words? The Bible says that a
righteous man is characterized by honesty in his personal and business
dealings (Ephesians 4:28). In addition, when he makes a promise, a Christian man keeps his promise, even when it hurts (Psalm 15:2-5). In short, his character should be one of integrity.
Selfless: The Bible speaks specifically to husbands when it tells
them to love their wives as they love their own bodies, just like
Christ loved the church and gave Himself up for her (Ephesians 5:25-28).
A Christian boyfriend should begin to exhibit this kind of care and
love for his girlfriend long before marriage. Love is easy in the
romantic beginning stages, but a Christian boyfriend should be the kind
of man whose behavior and intentions will be loving in all kinds of
circumstances (1 John 3:18).
Able and willing to provide: The Bible says that a man who doesn’t provide for his family is worse than an unbeliever (1 Timothy 5:8).
Provision doesn’t necessarily mean “bringing in a lot of money.” The
issue is whether he takes responsibility for the welfare of his wife and
children. It is important for women to grasp the seriousness of this
verse. A man who doesn’t want to provide is very hard for a woman to
respect, and if a wife struggles to respect her husband, marital
troubles will go beyond the material. A woman’s respect for her husband
and a man’s love for his wife are interdependent and life-giving to a
marriage (Ephesians 5:25-32).
Willing to proactively protect: Both physically and emotionally,
women tend to be weaker and more easily hurt than men. They need to be
understood and protected and cared for in a proactive way. A good
Christian boyfriend is a man who will look out for and care for his
girlfriend and carry this passion for protecting her on into marriage (1 Peter 3:7).
Also, here are some negative things to watch out for: materialism (1 John 2:15-16; 1 Timothy 6:10), lying (Proverbs 12:22;19:22), sexual unfaithfulness (Ecclesiastes 7:26; Proverbs 7) and poor treatment of family members, especially his mother (Proverbs 15:20; 19:26; 20:20; 23:22).
Usually, a man’s treatment of his mother is a good indication of how he
will treat his wife. Also, watch out for irrationally and controlling
or jealous tendencies, as these often lead to violence (Proverbs 6:34; 27:4).
Finally, a Christian boyfriend is one with whom a woman is evenly
matched. First, in the spiritual sense – a couple’s relationship with
God should be the primary factor in any relationship, and they should be
matched in that regard. Believers are commanded to marry other
believers (2 Corinthians 6:14),
so there is no reason to be dating an unbeliever. But a couple should
also be evenly matched in the more practical aspects, having compatible
temperaments, similar energy levels, and shared life-goals and
interests. These things add tremendously to happiness in a relationship.
In addition to all this, if a man has a good sense of humor and a
steady, cheerful disposition, this is wonderfully encouraging for his
wife. Nobody can be “up” all the time, but a man who is characterized by
the peace and joy of the Spirit is a real catch. Life is hard, and
marriage is hard, too. There will be times of sadness, and there will be
conflict. Because of this, a cheerful, encouraging spouse is a real
blessing (Proverbs 16:24; 17:22; 15:30).
Do the right thing for the best results
God made provisions for everything we would ever need or want but we have to go for what's ours. We have to do something for something to happen. You can't sit down and expect a miracle to happen. Do something right.
There must be an action for a desired reaction to happen. There are some ground laid natural rules that can't be changed. If you do nothing you should expect nothing. Some people do little for great results while others do much for little gains. So its not about doing anything but rather doing the right things for what we desire. It starts being better at doing you and the world would give back better.
Until we learn to balance the physical, mental and spiritual actions can we start getting super results. You have to study to know, develop to build and be in tuned with yourself to get maximum results from your actions. You need to know where you stand in the universal chain to play your roles right. Don't live your life being a poor learner when God already created you a wealthy master at something naturally in you. Find now and start living for that unique you.
Let's have a great week doing the right things for the best results and gains.
@Atemiyato
Akanni Temiyato
John Magufuli ndiye mgombea Urais 2015 kupitia chama cha Mapinduzi (CCM)
Hongera kwa jirani, hopefully we shall be seeing a new Tanzania during his presidency. Maisha yamekuwa magumu these past 10 years, hopefully all that will change, na kodi zisizokuwa na kichwa wala mkia zitaondolewa ili tupumue.
If God Hates Divorce, Then Why Doesn’t He Restore My Marriage?
This article is in response to the many searches used to find this
site. This isn’t meant for anyone in particular, because I don’t know
WHO is searching, but I know there are quite a few who search daily. I’m
going to address this question based on what I know of God’s character,
and what I’ve experienced in my own walk with Him. However, I encourage
you to search the scriptures and your heart and spend much time in
prayer. In other words, don’t just take my word for it.
First, you need to ask yourself these questions:
The decisions we make, and the actions that come from those decisions, are our fruit, and from our fruits we can tell the kind of seed they came from. In other words, our fruit tells everyone who we are. Jesus tells us that a good tree cannot produce bad fruit (and vice versa) so in this case, the Lord is not going to miraculously alter your fruit and make your marriage work, unless you really want your marriage to work. If we are to recognize who the believers are by their fruit, as the Bible says, then the Lord is not going to tamper with your fruit (which makes known the desires of your heart) because then, we would not truly know.
There is another thing to consider: If you have a problem with your partner, then the one who needs to change is ….. you. The Lord is not going to change someone else simply because we don’t like how they are. Instead, He will work on our hearts so that we are more able to love our partner the way that Jesus loves His bride. The only way that God is going to change another person to suit you is through diligent prayer, by you, on their behalf.
You’ve heard that saying, “the apple doesn’t fall far from the tree”; this is a secular phrase that’s rooted in a biblical principle. In this case, the principle that scripture speaks of is not about you being like your earthly parents; but rather is talking about you being like your master, the deity you serve (whether God, or the evil one). If you do something God hates, in this case divorce, then this desire could not come from God because we know He that hates divorce. Divorce is a worldly fruit from a worldly seed, while a desire to remain faithful to your spouse is a Godly fruit that comes from a Godly seed.
Here’s a visual…..
When
a seed is planted, it is hidden under the surface, like the roots in
this picture. Only the person who planted the seed knows what kind of
tree was planted, and what kind of fruit that tree will eventually
produce. No one else knows what kind of tree it is until it begins to
grow and ‘bear fruit’. Then, the fruit we bear will reveal that which
was previously hidden under the surface. If God planted the seed, our
“tree” will be rooted in Him and our fruit will be Godly. Godly fruit is
a sign that we are obedient to Him.
We cannot claim we are rooted in God if our tree produces a different (ungodly) fruit. God won’t fix or change that different fruit, because it is not His to change. This requires addressing the ROOT of the problem. You must be rooted in the Lord, and draw nourishment from Him before you can produce good fruit… and until you are rooted in the Lord you cannot produce good fruit!
What if God told me to marry someone even though I’m already married?
Let’s say your spouse is a top-notch doodie-head. Let’s say they haven’t loved you for years and have done horrible things to you. Do you think God would want you, the believer, the sever that relationship with a divorce? Let’s look at this from God’s perspective….our marriage is a picture of God’s love for us, exemplified by His Son Yeshua (Jesus). We have sinned against God many times, yet He doesn’t turn His back on us. If we repent, He forgives us and restores our relationship with Him; and if we do not repent, He does not treat us as castaways but is always ready to welcome us back when we do turn back to Him. If we are to be like Yeshua, then we should respond like Yeshua. God would never tell us to discard our current spouse and look for another because that goes against His character and divorce is not a picture of what Yeshua has done for us.
Disclaimer: if that person is dangerous and is a threat to you or your children, then you are to remove yourself from the situation by separation. Not divorce, but separation. This is why even the worst sinner can forgiven; because Yeshua is always ready to forgive us and welcome us, if we repent of our sins. Just think, if Yeshua wasn’t patient with us, and divorced us just because we are not quite the person He wants us to be (thus closing the door of reconciliation permanently), then we would ALL be doomed.
What about infidelity? Can I Divorce then?
A marriage is a contract or a covenant with terms (the marriage vows) and penalties for breaking those terms (broken fellowship with Father and, from a worldly perspective, divorce) if the contract is broken. God never condones divorce but a provision was made for us to divorce due to our “hard hearts.”
Now, marriage is a two-way contract. You and your spouse have a covenant with each other, and more importantly, with GOD. So if your spouse breaks the contract by infidelity, does this give you, the believer, license to break YOUR contract or vow by divorcing them? The answer is: NO.
Again, did Yeshua divorce us or close the door to reconciliation because we committed infidelity, that is; ‘fornicated’ with other gods? No. No matter what sin we’ve committed, He will never turn His back on us and divorce us! As His followers, we are to follow His example. Remember, your spouse will be held accountable for THEIR part in breaking the covenant, but that does not void out the covenant that YOU have made before the Lord and TO the Lord.
To put it another way…
A marriage contract is made towards the other person, and to God. You have promised that person, and God, that you will honor them, cherish them etc. If your spouse cheats on you, then they have dishonored both you and God! Does that action give you the right to break the contract YOU made to your spouse, and to God, based on what THEY have done? Of course not! You are to hold up your end of the contract so that you may be found righteous in His sight. Our actions should never depend on what someone else does because we will all be judged on what we do, not on what someone does to us!
Am I supposed to put my life on hold and wait around until they come around, IF they come around at all?
In order to answer this, we have to ask other questions.
If you are truly close to God, you realize that no one person is capable of fulfilling all of your desires like the Father can. And you won’t understand this unless you have experienced that close connection with the Father. Until you do have that closeness with the Father, you will view this ‘waiting period’, this being faithful to God and your spouse, as something burdensome. Our goal should never be the obtaining of a Godly husband or wife, but it should always be on obedience to the Father, and our relationship with Him.
The Lord’s primary goal for every believer is for you to desire and love Him fully and with all your heart. For Him to be your EVERYTHING. If you think another person is the medium in which to obtain these things, then you are looking in the wrong place. Because of this faulty expectation, this thinking that another sinner can give you happiness, your relationships will always come up short of expectations. When you are content in the Lord, then no person (or material thing) in this world will cause that contentment to be disturbed.
So, should you wait around for your spouse to come back, begging for forgiveness? Actually, this has nothing to do with your cheating spouse. It’s all about you, and your heart. You are to continue to serve the Lord and continue in obedience, being content with His provision. Hopefully, you were content in the Lord before your marriage went bad.
It doesn’t make any difference what goes on around you. You are to seek His face and abide in Him… no matter what. If you are put into a trial with a cheating spouse, your response to that trial is: you are to wait on the Lord and remain obedient to Him. That means; do not get a divorce, do not cheat on your spouse, and do realize that true happiness and contentment does not come from your spouse, but from your Father in heaven. For a truly spirit-filled believer, if we cling to the Lord like we’re supposed to, then we can withstand anything Satan throws at us.
By Carol
https://boldlyproclaimingchrist.wordpress.com/2011/10/28/520/
First, you need to ask yourself these questions:
- Does God love you? [yes]
- Does He want love from you? [yes]
- Is forced love true love? [no]
- Would God ever strong-arm you into loving Him? [no]
- Would God force you to obey Him, or does He let you make that choice? [choice]
The decisions we make, and the actions that come from those decisions, are our fruit, and from our fruits we can tell the kind of seed they came from. In other words, our fruit tells everyone who we are. Jesus tells us that a good tree cannot produce bad fruit (and vice versa) so in this case, the Lord is not going to miraculously alter your fruit and make your marriage work, unless you really want your marriage to work. If we are to recognize who the believers are by their fruit, as the Bible says, then the Lord is not going to tamper with your fruit (which makes known the desires of your heart) because then, we would not truly know.
There is another thing to consider: If you have a problem with your partner, then the one who needs to change is ….. you. The Lord is not going to change someone else simply because we don’t like how they are. Instead, He will work on our hearts so that we are more able to love our partner the way that Jesus loves His bride. The only way that God is going to change another person to suit you is through diligent prayer, by you, on their behalf.
You’ve heard that saying, “the apple doesn’t fall far from the tree”; this is a secular phrase that’s rooted in a biblical principle. In this case, the principle that scripture speaks of is not about you being like your earthly parents; but rather is talking about you being like your master, the deity you serve (whether God, or the evil one). If you do something God hates, in this case divorce, then this desire could not come from God because we know He that hates divorce. Divorce is a worldly fruit from a worldly seed, while a desire to remain faithful to your spouse is a Godly fruit that comes from a Godly seed.
Here’s a visual…..
When
a seed is planted, it is hidden under the surface, like the roots in
this picture. Only the person who planted the seed knows what kind of
tree was planted, and what kind of fruit that tree will eventually
produce. No one else knows what kind of tree it is until it begins to
grow and ‘bear fruit’. Then, the fruit we bear will reveal that which
was previously hidden under the surface. If God planted the seed, our
“tree” will be rooted in Him and our fruit will be Godly. Godly fruit is
a sign that we are obedient to Him.We cannot claim we are rooted in God if our tree produces a different (ungodly) fruit. God won’t fix or change that different fruit, because it is not His to change. This requires addressing the ROOT of the problem. You must be rooted in the Lord, and draw nourishment from Him before you can produce good fruit… and until you are rooted in the Lord you cannot produce good fruit!
What if God told me to marry someone even though I’m already married?
Let’s say your spouse is a top-notch doodie-head. Let’s say they haven’t loved you for years and have done horrible things to you. Do you think God would want you, the believer, the sever that relationship with a divorce? Let’s look at this from God’s perspective….our marriage is a picture of God’s love for us, exemplified by His Son Yeshua (Jesus). We have sinned against God many times, yet He doesn’t turn His back on us. If we repent, He forgives us and restores our relationship with Him; and if we do not repent, He does not treat us as castaways but is always ready to welcome us back when we do turn back to Him. If we are to be like Yeshua, then we should respond like Yeshua. God would never tell us to discard our current spouse and look for another because that goes against His character and divorce is not a picture of what Yeshua has done for us.
Disclaimer: if that person is dangerous and is a threat to you or your children, then you are to remove yourself from the situation by separation. Not divorce, but separation. This is why even the worst sinner can forgiven; because Yeshua is always ready to forgive us and welcome us, if we repent of our sins. Just think, if Yeshua wasn’t patient with us, and divorced us just because we are not quite the person He wants us to be (thus closing the door of reconciliation permanently), then we would ALL be doomed.
What about infidelity? Can I Divorce then?
A marriage is a contract or a covenant with terms (the marriage vows) and penalties for breaking those terms (broken fellowship with Father and, from a worldly perspective, divorce) if the contract is broken. God never condones divorce but a provision was made for us to divorce due to our “hard hearts.”
Now, marriage is a two-way contract. You and your spouse have a covenant with each other, and more importantly, with GOD. So if your spouse breaks the contract by infidelity, does this give you, the believer, license to break YOUR contract or vow by divorcing them? The answer is: NO.
Again, did Yeshua divorce us or close the door to reconciliation because we committed infidelity, that is; ‘fornicated’ with other gods? No. No matter what sin we’ve committed, He will never turn His back on us and divorce us! As His followers, we are to follow His example. Remember, your spouse will be held accountable for THEIR part in breaking the covenant, but that does not void out the covenant that YOU have made before the Lord and TO the Lord.
To put it another way…
A marriage contract is made towards the other person, and to God. You have promised that person, and God, that you will honor them, cherish them etc. If your spouse cheats on you, then they have dishonored both you and God! Does that action give you the right to break the contract YOU made to your spouse, and to God, based on what THEY have done? Of course not! You are to hold up your end of the contract so that you may be found righteous in His sight. Our actions should never depend on what someone else does because we will all be judged on what we do, not on what someone does to us!
Am I supposed to put my life on hold and wait around until they come around, IF they come around at all?
In order to answer this, we have to ask other questions.
- Why are we here?
- Are we here to serve the Lord?
- Or are we here for our own happiness?
- Do you find your happiness in God, or man?
If you are truly close to God, you realize that no one person is capable of fulfilling all of your desires like the Father can. And you won’t understand this unless you have experienced that close connection with the Father. Until you do have that closeness with the Father, you will view this ‘waiting period’, this being faithful to God and your spouse, as something burdensome. Our goal should never be the obtaining of a Godly husband or wife, but it should always be on obedience to the Father, and our relationship with Him.
The Lord’s primary goal for every believer is for you to desire and love Him fully and with all your heart. For Him to be your EVERYTHING. If you think another person is the medium in which to obtain these things, then you are looking in the wrong place. Because of this faulty expectation, this thinking that another sinner can give you happiness, your relationships will always come up short of expectations. When you are content in the Lord, then no person (or material thing) in this world will cause that contentment to be disturbed.
So, should you wait around for your spouse to come back, begging for forgiveness? Actually, this has nothing to do with your cheating spouse. It’s all about you, and your heart. You are to continue to serve the Lord and continue in obedience, being content with His provision. Hopefully, you were content in the Lord before your marriage went bad.
It doesn’t make any difference what goes on around you. You are to seek His face and abide in Him… no matter what. If you are put into a trial with a cheating spouse, your response to that trial is: you are to wait on the Lord and remain obedient to Him. That means; do not get a divorce, do not cheat on your spouse, and do realize that true happiness and contentment does not come from your spouse, but from your Father in heaven. For a truly spirit-filled believer, if we cling to the Lord like we’re supposed to, then we can withstand anything Satan throws at us.
By Carol
https://boldlyproclaimingchrist.wordpress.com/2011/10/28/520/
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