What women wish men knew about sex

Tracey Cox wishes we could all be honest about sex

... and vice versa (and why we only tell our pals, not our partners)

• People are often more honest about sex with friends rather than partners
• Women need to be emotionally turned-on as well as physically
• Men wish women were more confident about their bodies

By Tracey Cox

After years of writing and researching sex, I'm always struck by how much more honest people are about their sexual needs when they're talking to the same sex.

Women are way more candid with women and men with men.

Which is all well and good except wouldn't it be sort of useful to know what each sex really wants from the other?

A few years ago, I started asking both men and women this question:

'If you were completely and utterly honest, what would you like to say to your partner about sex in your relationship?'

This is what they told me.

I think it's a fair representation of what women want from men and men want from women and offers vital insights on what it's like to be on the other side of the bed.

It's also a great way to start an open conversation with your own partner.

'I need to be emotionally turned-on, too': What SHE wishes HE knew about sex

 

• In order to feel like sex, I need to be emotionally turned on, as well as physically stimulated.
• Words are aphrodisiacs to me. If you want more sex, talk to me more.
• The more housework you do, the more I will feel like sex. I'll be less tired and will feel more like an equal partner than a slave.
• I also want to initiate sex but I don't have time to work up an appetite if you make a move on me daily.
• It takes me longer to orgasm than you and it's more difficult. Don't rush me.
• Be gentler. My skin is thinner and more sensitive than yours. What feels normal to you, often hurts me.
• Don't assume I only want romantic sex. I'm also up for wilder, lustier sex now and then.
• Don't hassle me for sex after I've said no. It makes me feel unsexy, rather than turned on.
• Accept that I'm probably not going to orgasm purely through intercourse. I need stimulation of the clitoris by your hand or a vibrator. This doesn't mean I don't enjoy intercourse, it's just the way my body is designed.

'Stop worrying about your body': What HE wishes SHE knew about sex

• I use sex to express my love for you. Sometimes I find it difficult to express emotion and sex is a way of getting physically close to you.
• When you reject sex with me, I feel like you're rejecting me as a person. Please do it kindly.
• My sexual system is simple. I know yours is different but I need you to tell and show me specifically what you want so I can understand your body properly

• Just because I want to try new things, doesn't mean I don't think you're sexy. I just need and want variety.
• I am a visual person. I like to look at sexy things. There's nothing sinister about me looking at erotic photos, it's just what men do.
• Stop worrying about your body. I like you to look nice but I focus on the parts I love, not the bits you hate.
• I'd like to have sex frequently and regularly. If that isn't possible, please tell me why. If I understand why and know great sex will happen in the future, I can accept it.
• I realise your sex drive is affected by your monthly cycle. But make it clear to me when you're feeling like sex and let's make the most of that time, rather than focus on when you don't feel like it.
• When you act like you're only have sex to please me, it makes me angry and disappointed. I want you to enjoy it as much as I do.