Parenthood 101

It is unclear why we desire children when we all know without a doubt children equals no more “me” or “us” time. They are the ones who call the shots and determine how our schedules should look like. I do also agree to disagree with those who may disagree with me and say we are in control of our lives and schedules, but to what extent? 

If we really think about it, even if we somehow have nannies to help us raise our kids in our absence, or day care centers that you pay a fortune to so that you can have time to go to work and provide for your family. In all these cases kids are the ones determining how our day should look like. Where you can go, what time you can go and so forth.  

A good example is a child who falls sick and causes you to call your supervisor and change your work schedule. Or a child that decides they want you to take them to school because they don’t want to be on the bus with the other kids. The demands and unexpected surprises are endless, yet we love them to the moon and back. 

Are kids a way of God showing us what true love is? A way for us to evaluate ourselves, our strengths and weaknesses? Our selflessness or selfishness? Are kids a wake up call for us? So, that we no longer make excuses of why we can’t do this and that, and decide to work hard to provide for these little humans that we’ve celebrated coming into this world? Are kids a way for us to be grateful to our parents for what they’ve done for us and what they went or are still going through because of us? 

The diaper changing days, the running around in the hot sun, the late nights, the early mornings, the car seats taking up space in our cars, the strollers that we depend on heavily, the messy house, the pile of laundry (thank God for washing machines),and the whole nine yards. 

Kids test our patience, our love language, our outlook about life and our inner fears. Kids are a way of God reminding us about forgiveness and love, unconditional love. And who doesn't love those mommy and baby photo-shoots with matching African fashion, kitenge dress and all. Ultimately, it's all worth it.

Wedding vs Marriage

Hey y'all, 

Is it weird that not once in my entire life have I imagined a wedding reception for myself? I do not have an ideal conventional wedding dress in mind (meaning a typical white wedding dress. I don't mind wearing a black and red dress or something traditional from African fashion designers), an ideal venue or honeymoon destination and all that. As a matter of fact, I feel like extravagant wedding parties are a huge waste of money (at least for me). 

In 2010 I told my parents that since I am the last born, there will not be a wedding reception. There will be a wedding ceremony either at church, city hall or officiated by an Elvis Presley lookalike, but no parties and all that mambo jumbo. We can all go to a nice restaurant, eat our guts out, take pictures and call it a day. 

Being a 4th child for the most part, there is nothing new the family hasn't experienced. Your parents have seen it all, have experienced it all. And the last thing they would want is to accept you are no longer their little baby and you will no longer be available to run errands for them. Being someone’s wife kinda puts limitations on their requests and demands on your life and they are scared of that even though they will never admit it. 

My one time chance of being a wedding planner and a maid of honor gave me enough experience and insight on the craziness that goes into wedding planning, wedding venues, honeymoon research, blah blah blah, the list is endless. And I would not wish this kinda madness on any of my family members or myself. 

Weddings are emotional and they make you want to believe in the magic and the fairy tale of it all, but I am a realist and I want to know the good, the bad and the ugly. Living in La La Land is overrated. Maybe what we really need are more realistic movies on what marriages go through and highlight on the everyday challenges and victories married couples face so that we don’t end up killing each other once the happy hormones die off. 

Don’t get me wrong, I am a strong believer of Love, marriage and family union. But I am a stronger believer of staying together for better or for worse. It’s not easy, nor do I claim to have the ability to stick around during foolishness, but I pray everyday that in my request to be more like Jesus, I should be able to love the unlovable or even worse, my spouse when he is the last person I want to lay eyes on. If you think I am shady in how I see things, then re-evaluate your Christian life. Jesus loves you and listens to your prayers even if you just came from committing a sin. Now that's real love and forgiveness. If this is what it means to be brides of Christ, then He is the most amazing husband in the world.