Why Do We Have To Grieve

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Grieving is an interesting state in our lives. I wish we didn’t have to go through the stages of grieving, or better yet, not lose anything at all. I am capable of writing a long post in 5 minutes (or ten if you count the extra 5 minutes of proofreading and making corrections), but until this day, I have not been able to write about losing my Dad. I hate crying and when I write about him I tend to cry. I am not a private person nor am I out there trying to share pictures and stories about my parents, because the one thing that I love and hold dear are my parents. There is a level of love that you feel for someone that you want to selfishly keep to yourself and the only way people will know how you genuinely feel about those people is the way you talk about them or think about them, and are able and willing to do things for them. And my parents are a sacred relationship for me. A mix of good, bad and everything in between. 

I hate grieving because it makes me question my faith, it makes me question the meaning of life and everything we are striving for - I mean, what’s the point of it all? Why live, go to school, work hard, fall in love, only to die at the end of the day and be missed by those closest to you? Why do people have to die? Is death really necessary? 

I grieved a two year relationship last year and allowed myself to heal. I grieved a job, I grieved my life, I grieved my plans, I grieved my future because I hate living in the unknown. This year, I entered 2019 with not making a single resolution because what’s the point of making plans when God has His own? And this He proved to be true. As I was opening my heart again to accept life and maybe start making plans, He took my Dad away. And so I GRIEVE! 

I have questions that no one should dare to give me answers to because no one knows jack! No one knows why things happen the way they do so no one has the right to say anything. Life and death is a mystery and there’s nothing we can do about it. 

I read online on how to grieve and I’ve done it all, gone back to nature and took pictures to distract myself, gone to church and cried my eyes out, listened to party songs to boost my mood, and yet I at night I cry. 

The sad thing about grief is that, nothing is interesting anymore. Not a person that once sparkled your life, not good news about someone being engaged, pregnant or having a new job, nothing is fascinating anymore, it’s all a big nothing. Then I hear sad news about people losing loved ones, I feel sorry for them, but my heart says they are better off to be done with life’s uncertainty. They are better of being with God than having to fight temptation everyday, lose hope, lose faith and stand a chance to lose their salvation. I don’t know who has it better, them or us! And someday, us will be among them.

Someday though, maybe someday we’ll know the “Because” behind every “Why”, but until then, our minds are full of unanswered questions and only heaven has all the answers - just like a real estate data bank.