Starting over may or may not be a good thing

I used to be traumatized by the idea of starting over in life but I am now becoming accustomed to it and sadly, it comes with fear of owning things and loving people.

To me starting over is nothing but a waste of time, resources, energy and can make one lose hope. From a business perspective, starting over may not be so bad, or perhaps it is even applauded and encouraged, but on a personal level, it stings! An article I read talks about how starting over can be a good thing, I agree and yet disagree for various reasons.

Imagine furnishing your home, only for you to move and having to sell things at a loss. This makes me wonder, is it worth it? Is it worth it spending your hard earned money to buy things that you wont be keeping long enough because someday you might have to start all over again? Should you buy a car only to sell it at a loss after a year or two of using it only because you have to move? Now imagine doing this multiple times in less than 5 years, and along the way you feel like you are fighting a battle that you just can’t seem to win. 

Starting over breaks my heart because it slowly takes away the joy of doing certain things in life. It makes me question the importance and the necessity of things, creative ideas and relationships, in this world full of uncertainty. It makes me question the idea of stability. Is life stable enough for me to have a family and for them to have a place they can call home for a good chunk of years, like how I grew up? 

Sometimes, I am reminded of the “Groundhog Day” movie where the main actor had to relive the same day over and over until he figured out what it is he needed to fix or change about himself for him to continue living the rest of his days. I wonder, am I doing something wrong? Should I be learning something through this starting over lifestyle? 

If anything at all, I am learning not to value things because they come and go - which is a good thing, but this fear creeps in with the fear of having relationships because those too might be lost in the process. If I were to put a price tag on every item, relationship and opportunity I have had to let go of because of this “starting over” lifestyle, then I may wonder if I will ever desire to have anything in life because comfort and long-lasting is not guaranteed (at least not yet). 

The one thing I can embrace from starting over, is my new found decision to save money and travel as well as buy experiences rather than things, because those memories are more likely to last.